Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in.
[00:00:09] And now breathe out. Congratulations. You just meditated. Hi, I'm Crystal Jakowski, and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out, a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it.
[00:00:27] I just released this newsletter and I felt strongly about sharing it here as well. So I'm going to share it this week. And then next week, we're going to do a meditation to follow up on this concept. And this concept is beating yourself up over the past. Stop it. Because the present is hard enough. So let's dive in.
[00:00:58] Hello, and welcome back to Breathe In, breathe out. I'm Crystal Jakowski, and as always, I'm delighted that you're here.
[00:01:08] You know that I love to tell stories. You know that I love to share the experiences that I have had in life.
[00:01:18] And this week is no different than any other week. I am going to share an experience that I had with a friend, with a loved one, and explain where things come from.
[00:01:34] This dear one came and was spending a weekend with my husband and I, and I've known this loved one for this dear one for years and years and years forever. Forever, as long as I've known.
[00:01:54] And that means that I know their life.
[00:01:59] I know the ins and outs, the ups and downs.
[00:02:05] I know the challenges, the weights.
[00:02:13] I know the joys that they experience.
[00:02:20] I know a lot of the things that they ruminate on and beat themselves up over whenever they're here. We take a little bit of time and we either spend time out with my pottery or we're in the meditation gardens in the grotto, just enjoying each other's company or walking around.
[00:02:43] We just really like to take that moment, just the two of us, and connect.
[00:02:50] And I absolutely love and cherish these opportunities that I get to have.
[00:03:00] So this one day, they had asked me how things were going with my mom, and it was a raw and vulnerable moment. And I let them know everything, things that I had not shared previously because I had tried to soften the blow and didn't want to share everything, but they got me in a very I was just very open emotionally and didn't have my filters on.
[00:03:34] And so I shared and I shared and I shared, and at the end of it, they were like, wow, jeez, I had no clue. That's just a lot.
[00:03:52] That's just a lot.
[00:03:54] And I was like, yeah, but it's okay. And I'm going to be okay. And I'm going to work it out, and I'm going to make sure that I take care of myself as much as I'm taking care of her so that I can come out this great on the other end, so that I don't lose myself, so that I don't find myself in a pit of wallowing despair.
[00:04:23] I'm aware, and I'm asking for help, and I'm asking for support. And they were, wow, well, that's very commendable. That's really great. And they loved me.
[00:04:35] Well, later we were talking, and we were just spending some of that time together, walking around the property, and they were regretful that they were unable to be here, that their path in life had taken them down a different road, which meant that they weren't able to be as close to me.
[00:05:00] And I knew what choices they were referring to, and I just stopped, and I turned to face them, and I said, look at me.
[00:05:16] I need you to know that I am good and that I will be good and that mom will be okay.
[00:05:26] And I also need you to know that your guilt does not help you, and it does not help me.
[00:05:37] And then the last thing I said was literally, I ask you to stop beating yourself up over past decisions, because the present is hard enough.
[00:05:57] They felt like very sage words of wisdom in the moment, and they made me take pause myself.
[00:06:09] We all do this.
[00:06:12] I think we all have decisions that we have made in the past, different ages that we look at and we say, dang it, if I hadn't made that choice, then I would be so much better off.
[00:06:35] If I hadn't made that choice, then I wouldn't have hurt this person.
[00:06:40] If I hadn't made that choice, then life would be better.
[00:06:48] Life would be different.
[00:06:53] Look at all of the things that happened because of that choice. And you're looking at you're focusing on the negative parts of the decision that you made at that time.
[00:07:06] And my question is, how is that helping you right now?
[00:07:12] Because you have enough shit on your plate, you have enough weight on your shoulders. You have enough stuff going on. So how tell me, how is revisiting that, mulling it over and beating yourself up over it, making right here, right now any better?
[00:07:38] How is it improving your state of being?
[00:07:43] How is it buoying you up?
[00:07:49] If it's not beneficial, if it's not supporting you, why are you doing it?
[00:07:57] And like I said, we all do it. I've done it.
[00:08:11] When I work with a client and they are stuck on something that happened in the past, I often have them do a meditation, and I take them back to find that spot, and we sit with it, and we work, and we heal it.
[00:08:41] And when they come back, they're like, Holy crap. I didn't realize.
[00:08:45] I didn't realize how much that was really hurting me. I didn't realize how much it was really doing damage to my mental, emotional, spiritual self, my physical self to keep revisiting that.
[00:09:04] We all have so many challenges in this day and age, work, finances, relationships, adulting on every level.
[00:09:21] Why would we keep harboring that?
[00:09:29] Unless you plan to try to fix it somehow unless you use that and say, you know what, I want things to be better. So I'm going to go have a conversation with that person and I'm going to let them know that I am really sorry and I have regrets and I care for them and it's going to suck having to be vulnerable and having to admit that we were wrong, but in the same aspect.
[00:10:07] Then you get to take that weight off your shoulders and set it down.
[00:10:18] You can do something about it or you need to figure out how to set it down.
[00:10:27] Doing something about it is trying to heal it, trying to improve it. If you are not going to heal it and improve it, but you're continually using it to beat yourself up.
[00:10:39] The concept just blows my mind and makes me so sad.
[00:10:46] Because none of us needs that.
[00:10:49] None of us needs that.
[00:10:54] Do what you can to improve it. And when you've made the amends that you can, when you've made the apology, when you've made those efforts, let it go.
[00:11:09] There is always a lesson that you have learned through each challenge that you have accepted.
[00:11:24] There's always a gift.
[00:11:31] So what is the positive thing that you've learned? What is the gift that you received by putting yourself through the choice that you made?
[00:11:45] Can you take a moment and put yourself back in that situation and looking through the lens? Hindsight is 2020. Taking in everything else that was going on for the other people in this situation, perhaps that was absolutely the right choice to make. And if it was the right choice to make, you can still have regrets, you can still have remorse. And yet give yourself some compassion. Acknowledging that, wow, that really sucked. That really hurt. That was the right choice. The gift is knowing that I am on the correct path for me right here, right now. That I have learned strength, that I have learned whatever. Fill in the blank and I can find peace now, knowing that it's okay. And the next time that thing comes up again, I have found peace now.
[00:12:50] I remember what the gift was and it's okay now. I'm a massage therapist.
[00:13:01] I honestly believe that experiences and emotions are stored within our body, within our different muscles.
[00:13:12] That the trauma and the upset. We hold on to it.
[00:13:18] So what I would like to do with this is for you to come back next week.
[00:13:24] We're going to do a meditation on finding one of these choices, one of these wounds in your body, acknowledging it and working to heal it.
[00:13:40] The goal is to stop beating ourselves up over the past because the present is difficult enough.
[00:13:53] Let's stop adding things to our shoulders to carry around with us and start allowing us to live in the moment with the things that are before us and not the things that are behind it's, over it's, behind you. It has made you who you are today, for better or worse.
[00:14:22] Hold your head a little bit higher.
[00:14:25] Come back next week and let's set those things to rest.
[00:14:29] Until next time, take care.
[00:14:38] I hope this moment of self care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Daikowski on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube, and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time. Take care.
