How Often Are You Using the Word "Just" In a Negative Way?

Episode 93 January 18, 2023 00:12:11
How Often Are You Using the Word "Just" In a Negative Way?
Breathe In, Breathe Out with Krystal Jakosky
How Often Are You Using the Word "Just" In a Negative Way?

Jan 18 2023 | 00:12:11


Hosted By

Krystal Jakosky

Show Notes

It’s just stress.

I’m just emotional.

It’s just…

Think about the last time you used the word "just" in a negative way. How can you reframe that moment by eliminating the word altogether? Listen to this week's episode to learn about how to change the words we use to describe ourselves. 




FIRST TIME HERE? Hey, there! I’m Krystal Jakosky - a teacher, writer, and transformational life coach based in CO. I release weekly podcasts about self-care, hard truths, journaling, meditation, and radical self-ownership. All are wholeheartedly welcome here. 

LET’S CONNECT! Visit my website and visit me on InstagramFacebook, YouTube.

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Episode Transcript

Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jakosky, and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out: a Weekly Mindfulness and Meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it. Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out, and I am going to dive into another insight that I had recently because holy crap, they keep coming. They keep presenting themselves saying, Krystal, I'm here. You need to listen. Krystal, I'm here. You need to tune in. Hey Krystal, what about this? And some of them are fun and lighthearted and some of them are a little weightier and more frustrating. And yet they are all gifts. They are all moments for introspection and growth and I really appreciate them. I appreciate the gift that is there. So the inspiration that I'm sharing with you this week is all around the word just, it's just stress. I'm just emotional. It's just filling in the blank. We all go through challenging times, challenging moments, overwhelming, difficult, and weighty. Somebody says, Hey, you look tired. Is there anything I can do or say? Is there any way that I can support you? And our response is, I'm just stressed. It'll be okay. I'm just stressed. I'm just stressed. You go to a doctor and the doctor will tell you that stress causes hypertension, Stress causes all sorts of issues that manifest bodily and can be life-threatening. Doctors are always telling us that we need to reduce stress and improve our lives so that we can live longer lives. Stress reduces our lifespan. I'm just stressed, like, are you kidding me? You find that you're crying as you crawl into bed. Your concerned partner reaches over and says, Hey, are you okay? Your response is, I'm just emotional. You're just emotional. You. You at that moment completely invalidated your own experience. You negated the opportunity to express what you were completely and honestly and truly feeling brushed off. The moment I did this, I said, I'm just emotional. I grabbed a tissue, blew my nose, I snuggled down, cried into my pillow, and fell asleep. So then I go and I sit in meditation and I'm asking my guides, Hey, what do I need to know? What do I need to change? What do I need to shift? And this word floated in front of my eye like a giant picture. Sometimes they talk to me in words, and sometimes it is simply this beautiful image. I saw the word just in all caps floating in front of my mind's eye Just, I'm just emotional. I'm just stressed. I'm just having a hard time right now. It truly minimizes and invalidates what we are going through in doing so, it's a way that we say, I'm not really worth your concern or your love right now. I'll deal with this alone. It's a really easy way to avoid ownership of the moment. It's also a great way to continue saying that you are a victim. Instead of taking some strong steps toward fixing it. If I had said, I'm emotional, I'm emotional because this is what's going on, I remove the vague and put it in reality, which means that I can look at it, which means that it no longer has as much power. Once we name it, once we verbalize it, it loses some of its power and it is easier. It is a little bit easier to deal with. It is a little bit easier to know what we can do to shift it and fix it. And you know what? Those people that are asking probably love you and care about you and want to help you. They say, Hey, I'm here. How can I be present in this moment? And please don't blow me off. Because we are the only ones that can speak up about our experience. We're the only ones that can validate it and say, Yeah, I'm really stressed and I don't know what you can do for me. However, I really appreciate you at least offer. And maybe in saying, I'm really stressed, then you can verbalize all of the stressful things that are going on. You verbalize them. You need a listening ear. You allow that listening ear and perhaps that listening ear might have ideas and suggestions on how to support you and validate the human experience that you are having at that moment. Emotions tell us when there is something that we need to address. They let us know that something's off or something is fabulous. So when things are off, why not validate that and say, I'm really emotional right now and this is what's going on, because that lets it flow through you and it doesn't get stuck. I'm working on changing my vocabulary around this. I'm working on paying attention to when I use it because there are times when I use it as a filler word, absolutely. Hey, we're just going to do this today. And yet in that same vein, there are times when we're just going to do this today. It could be something big that we're doing and minimizing what we're doing is not where we need to be. We are going to dive in, we are going to do this or that. I was business networking with some people and showing them around and talking with them about how we could collaborate with each other. There were four different times that I used the word just, and every time that word came out of my mouth, I paused and I corrected myself. Three of the four were invalidating my own knowledge, my own abilities, my own experience, and how much I could offer to the collective. I was minimizing it using the word just as a filler word. One of them was, Okay, yeah, fine. Three were minimizing me. So I personally am in this space. I am watching how I use it, where I use it, and what can I say instead. Is it a matter of removing the word just and finishing the sentence, or is there another word that I need to put in there? Instead, think about all of the ways that we use this. I just did a bunch of research. Really, you just did a bunch of research that can be mindless, boring, and difficult, and you can go down rabbit holes and it can be unbelievably discouraging or immensely gratifying when you find your answer or have the knowledge that you need. I just did some research. Oh, honey, remove the word "just." I did some research and I figured this out. Own it. You did that. I just took a drive or a nap, or I read a book. I just made some food. Really congratulations on taking care of yourself. You put yourself first and you did self-care. Did you add a little intention behind that? And I am so proud of you for choosing to do that. I just read a book. You know what, some people have a really hard time reading. Good job. I'm proud of you. I just lost my beloved. I just, There are two ways this can be taken. I just as in most recently lost that. And for that, I am deeply saddened and my heart goes out to you. If you're using it as a shrug, eh, I'm sad because I just lost my dog. What? They were your best friends. They were your companions for a really long time. I feel for you and I support you in your grief. And don't minimize it. I just fill in the blank. It'll take a while. It always does. When we're working on our vocabulary, it takes a while for us to shift out of what we naturally default to and into a different state of being or a state of vocabulary. I'm looking forward to watching how my mentality changes with this. Because knowing, for example, that one meeting three out of the four times I used that word, was self-demeaning, self-minimizing. I am really wondering if I should start switching it up, start using a different word, and start not using that word. If my mentality shifts and I'm more positive and I have more confidence and I am more absolutely here, and this is fantastic. I mean, using it as a filler is fine. It doesn't carry as much weight in avoiding ownership, but my personal goal is to be more aware of myself when I say it and use it to deny my own awesomeness, my own needs to deny the validity of support from other people. Yeah, if I stop doing that, I think my thinking will change dramatically and I look forward to seeing what happens. I hope you play with it too. Do you use the word just and how do you use it? And are you excited to play with changing it up? Have fun with it, and I hope you come back next week on Breathe In, Breathe Out. I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I’m @krystaljakosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.

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