Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:03 Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I'm Crystal Kakowski and this is Breathe In. Breathe out a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little piece while doing it.
Speaker 1 00:00:27 Hello, welcome to Breathe and breathe out. I'm Crystal Kowski and this week I got to speak with Coach Caitlin Kresser. And we talked a lot about body image. We talked about the choice to change and how the choice to change can affect like your marriage and the lives around you. We really dove into the fact that it is not always easy, that there are little steps you have to take in their pitfalls along the way. Caitlin is an international bestselling author, public speaker, and the founder of Master Your Body Mindset Coaching. She's the go-to body image and mindset coach. Elevating and empowering, determined women to rise up from the despondent and take control of life by securing self-worth and confidence. Caitlin grew up without self-assurance and she spent a lifetime feeling inadequate in her life, choices and body. By the age of 29, Caitlin weighed over 250 pounds and was developing depression.
Speaker 1 00:01:26 It was at this time she finally took accountability, stopped making excuses, and dug up the roots of her negative body image beliefs. She lost a hundred pounds, quit her mundane life, and finally detached her appearance from her values, securing self-worth and confidence. After learning how to show up for herself, Caitlin made it her mission to help other women do the same. Without a doubt, her greatest passion is empowering other women to build unstoppable lives filled with passion and purpose where they're in full control of mind and body. I really hope that you enjoy this interview as much as I enjoyed doing it. Hello and welcome back to Breathe and Breathe out. I'm Crystal Kakowski, and today I have Ms. Caitlin Kresser with me. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2 00:02:12 Hi Crystal. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be on your podcast. I've listened to a few episodes and I absolutely love what you present and put out there. So, so happy to be here,
Speaker 1 00:02:25 <laugh>. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to let your voice join the voices of others in sharing with people transformational stories and what works and what can work, because I think we all need these different options. What works for me won't work for somebody else and whatnot. So I'm thrilled to speak with you, coach Caitlin, and, and bring out a new idea so that people can just keep diving in more. So let's go right into it and tell us about you and how you became Coach Caitlin.
Speaker 2 00:02:57 Yeah, um, so Kate, coach Caitlin, let's, I'll try and do this as quickly as I can, but it really goes back to my childhood in all honesty. Um, I grew up, I was the fat kid. Um, so I was the fat kid. I have, as you can see, red hair, natural red hair wasn't understood or accepted by the kids back then. It was different, right? So fat girl, red hair, the crooked teeth, the braces, the glasses. Before any of that was cool. I had the headgear. Basically, all the things that society said made you different. Were far from, you know, that perfect ideal aesthetic that is presented in the media and society. So I spent a lot of years feeling like I was on the outside, looking in, not sure where I belonged, and felt like I didn't belong because my body didn't belong according to society.
Speaker 2 00:03:45 And I realized there was no one like me who had succeeded. No one who looked like me, sounded like me and didn't think I was capable of achieving things, you know, in life. Um, so as I grew up, I had convinced myself that I was an introvert. I really lacked confidence. I hated public speaking. I wouldn't have even done something like this. Um, you know, speeches in school were awful. Presentations. I never did sports. I never participated in groups in high school or university. And, but what I did do was turn to food, which I didn't realize at the time was a coping mechanism, right? It was my happy place. Um, food didn't judge me. I could be comfortable and alone with food. And so lo and behold, that became my thing. And through that, the next thing I know, I was 29 years old and I weighed over 250 pounds.
Speaker 2 00:04:33 And so I was no longer the chubby kid, but I was, I was full on obese at this point and it was scary. Um, you know, there were some heart issues of heart disease in my family, high cholesterol. So at age 29, um, I was a big fan of the show. My 600 pound Life on T L C, I'm not sure if you've heard it. It's a popular reality show and I loved watching it. Um, but the one in particular, when I was watching it with all my snacks and food around me in my bed, I had this aha moment. And I don't know if it was god or just my internal instincts, but something kicked in and I thought, two things. If I keep going on the path that I am on, I'm either gonna die or I'm gonna wind up featured on this episode of my 600 pound life because I'm gonna keep getting bigger.
Speaker 2 00:05:18 Right? And I thought, you're 29 years old, this can't be it. This is not your life. Everyone always said I would achieve great things and I let that part of myself go. And so with that, I knew I needed change, but that seemed like a mountain to climb when I didn't know where to start to get change, right? So I started to talk someone, talk, talk to someone. I went and saw a counselor. And through that, that's when I learned that I had completely detached my worth from my body. So I, I had no love for myself. I had no respect for myself. And that's all because I let these outside opinions from society seep in. And I worried about judgment from everyone else else. So once I learned this, I was like, let's turn this around because this isn't right. No one deserves to feel this way.
Speaker 2 00:06:03 And so I did that. I took many step stones. I worked on my inner monologue the way I talked to myself. And through that, my confidence ended up growing. I ended up losing a hundred pounds. I got divorced from a marriage I had settled into. I left a career that I had settled into cause I didn't think I was worthy of anything else. And so, yeah, just a couple of years ago I started taking a business coaching program and I decided that I wanted to help inspire other women. It is my mission to help other women who feel depressed and despondent and detach from their bodies or upset about their bodies to overcome that so that they can take control of their lives and gain their self-worth and confidence and live the desired lives they're here to live because we all deserve that. So that's the summary, <laugh>,
Speaker 1 00:06:53 Amen. Amen. Amen. Yes.
Speaker 2 00:06:55 Right. Yes. My lifestyle changed. Yeah,
Speaker 1 00:06:58 <laugh>, it is. There are so many things in there that I'm going, yes, yes, yes. Because thank you. There comes that point, right? There comes that point in our life where we are call it rock bottom if you want to, but we are at that point, point where it's either we are choosing to continue in this direction and have, we know we're not gonna be happy with the outcome.
Speaker 2 00:07:22 Yep.
Speaker 1 00:07:23 Or we decide that we are going to do something different. And if we're gonna do something different, it's a lot of work. It's not like it all just falls into our laps and it's really easy and we get to move forward and it's, it's unicorns and rainbows from there. No, it's like you have to consciously work at it. You have to make these decisions daily, sometimes moment by moment decisions. No, I'm not gonna have the chips today. I'm not gonna have that today. I'm not gonna have moment by moment, how am I going to make my life better because I recognize that I'm the only one that can do that. So I love how it came about and thank you. You're not sure. It just, you're watching this show and all of a sudden it's, Hey girl, where are you going? What are you gonna do?
Speaker 2 00:08:10 Yeah, this, this is your, like you were talking about choice. It was like this is your moment to make that choice. Right? Do we keep going down? Do we keep spiraling down? Do we risk the potential of dying before we're 30 or do we kick it into high gear, figure it the F out and do what we need to do, right. Step by step day by day. And that's what I chose. Cause I knew that was a better, more fulfilling result for me than the other option. There is no way that was happening.
Speaker 1 00:08:37 So was the first step counseling, like you said that you did counseling, but what other, what other tools did you have to employ to help you get to a more healthy center? Because quite frankly, I love the red hair. I think it is just beautiful and fantastic and there are big times that I'm like, I really wish that I had that. But I have this gray hair that is fantastically gray and everyone says, I like that. Uh, we all want what we can't have. Right, right.
Speaker 2 00:09:04 <laugh>. Exactly. And speaking of the red hair thing, and that's the other funny thing is when I was younger I was teased by the kids for it and it was all the older ladies. I remember one of my grandma's best friends in particular, like, I love the red hair. I love the red hair. And when you're pre-teen trying to fit in, you don't wanna hear the grandma saying they like your hair. Right? But now I've learned the uniqueness of having red hair and it's something that I fully embrace and am proud of. So I've done a 180 with that as well. Um, but yeah, to answer your question, counseling was the first step for me simply because I didn't know where to go. Like I said, this seemed like a huge mountain to climb. And what were the first steps? I knew I needed change, but what did that mean?
Speaker 2 00:09:51 Um, and so yeah, by going through counseling, that's when I learned about your inner inner monologue and the way you talk to yourself. And that's what as a coach we refer to as having these limiting beliefs. So with all these negative opinions, we talk about ourselves, but they're not our opinions. We're not born with these negative thoughts about ourself, is literally what we absorb from what we hear around us in the criticisms we receive. And because it's not natural thoughts, I learned that you could filter these out and replace them with positive thoughts. And so I was introduced to positive affirmations, which was kind of my next phase. So learning to see the good things about myself. And so it's hard when you're starting with affirmations, it is difficult. Like, you know, we were just talking about things don't happen automatically and right away it's a process.
Speaker 2 00:10:38 And so I started really small and simple, like, you have beautiful eyes, I like your red hair. Just small things that I could identify about myself. And even if it wasn't something physical, I can think about my skills and abilities. Like I'm smart. Um, I've, I've achieved this. You know, I just purchased a new car, like anything good about myself that I did start feeling more positive. Um, that's what I did. And then I ended up actually creating a vision board as well. Um, and I kept this in the kitchen. I post-it girl, I literally, there's post-its all around me, you know, in my office everywhere. So I use Post-its, which made this vision board nice and bright and I, I have set goals for myself on this vision board. Mm-hmm. So I was kind of like, okay, in two weeks I want to fit into this new pair of pants or in two weeks, um, I want to be down another five pounds or in two weeks I wanna be jogging whatever amount of time on the treadmill.
Speaker 2 00:11:35 You know, things like that. And so every time I achieved a goal, I rewarded myself, whether it was with a manicure, a new outfit, um, having gummy bears or pizza or something. Cuz never once on my journey did I ever restrict myself from anything or try any of the fads. This was fully alerting learning experience for me and experimenting to find out what I liked and enjoyed. And so those positive affirmations and the vision board and having it in front of me were the two biggest things. And then experimenting, learning what I liked in terms of exercising, which is how I learned. Like cuz initially I was scared of gym. I thought fat girls didn't belong in the gym. Right. We weren't welcome there. It was for fit people only. And so when I started going to the gym, that was one of my goals, um, was to be comfortable in the gym.
Speaker 2 00:12:24 And so when I started doing that, that's how I learned that I actually like hit workouts when I avoided anything athletic previously. But that was from my fear of never being picked for the team. I was never good enough to participate in sports. Right. Yeah. Um, so yeah, just, just things like that experimenting and really learning what you like and what works for you because that helps keep you in a positive state and figuring out that you can do it your way. Nothing feels better than that than doing it the way you want to. Right. Yeah. So that, that's kind of what I did. And it all just progressed and ricocheted and came together beautifully.
Speaker 1 00:12:56 How long did it take from that moment sitting there eating the food and watching the show to finding the counselor that would help you out to discovering what worked for you and losing? Like did you have pitfalls on the way and how long did it really honestly take you to have this transformation from I'm unworthy and I am not good enough to No, no, no. I'm an amazing human being exactly as I am. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:13:29 Um, start to finish, definitely pitfalls along the way. And that is natural and that's part of progress and that's why I love pitfalls. Cause we learn from that, right? We pick ourselves back up to keep going and that's a beautiful thing about being human and making positive choices. Um, but yeah, so this started, um, 2015, 2016, um, end of 2015 I'm pretty sure is when this started. So I had that moment and it was within a couple of weeks I was in that counselor's office. I had an appointment booked. I was like, let's go, let's do this. Um, and honestly the transformation has fully taken up until about 2020. Um, so four years. But that was my journey. Not everyone's journey is the same, but that is because I chose to take my time and find what worked for me. And every time something worked, I would use that to propel me to another thought or idea.
Speaker 2 00:14:22 So I tried this and I liked it, so now let's try this. And so I just kept going with it. Um, but in there, yeah, definitely pitfalls. Especially at the beginning, especially with changing the diet, right? Because I went from like, cuz I, it was takeout food, it was pizza, it was, it was all the sugar. I'm a sugar person and I still go to gummy bears. It's like my go-to snack <laugh>. But I was completely changing my diet, learning new foods and recipes. I love to cook so I learned new foods and recipes. That was part of my experiment, what I wanted to have fun doing in the kitchen. Um, and yeah, so when you're, my body was detoxing, right? Taking out all of these um, harmful chemicals that I was basically putting in my body through um, the junk food. Um, so that was really hard.
Speaker 2 00:15:07 So that's when you hit the cravings, right? When you're detoxing your body just wants more of that. Um, and there were days where I gave up and said, I can't do this. Let's just go back to the way it was. Um, but then I would pick myself up out of that cycle again and keep going. Um, so that was actually a point, um, shortly after the pandemic started, um, I kind of did the opposite. So I had lost all this weight and it actually started to become a bit of an obsessive behavior for me. Oh. Where I was doing the opposite of what I initially did. Um, so now I was like obsessively counting calories cause I was scared to go backwards. I was doing a few workouts a day, some days I was comparing myself to the women at the gym. I actually started getting a thigh gap that I didn't realize till someone commented on.
Speaker 2 00:15:54 And that still bothers me because that's a body criticism and at any size, no woman deserves that. But it made me realize, and then I was also preventing myself from going out and having fun cause I was scared to go socialize and, you know, um, enjoy food and drink and be around people. I was scared to do that cause I had all this fear of going backwards. So that was a big setback for me. Cause I did the extreme in the opposite direction. And when that happened, I had to recheck in with myself and go back to the skills that I learned back 2016 and start using that again because I was misaligning again with how I felt about myself and how I saw myself. And I was still wanting to be a different version of me despite how far I had come. Um, so that's, yeah.
Speaker 2 00:16:39 So I just realigned, reconnected. I got back into my positive affirmations, remind myself of everything I achieved and that it didn't matter if I didn't look like those girls at the gym was I set out there to have washboard abs and to be doing like 30 pull-ups. No, that's not who I am. I realized I liked working out, but I don't need to be in a fitness magazine or look like that. So I'm good where I am. And so I got back on track there. But yeah, that was definitely a huge challenge for me. And in anything you do, it's gonna ebb and flow. You're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days. And that's all because the mind doesn't like change. Right. See, that's, you really have to reprogram yourself and the brain to be like, no, no, this is the new way. This is the better way that feels good for us. So we're gonna, we're gonna do this. But you, you can work your way through it.
Speaker 1 00:17:29 I love that you brought up going too far on the other direction because I feel like life is a pendulum. You know, we talk about ebb and flow. I think that you can absolutely look at it as like a pendulum as well. And we're, we're really far on one side. Whatever the activity or the choice that we are doing is really far on one side and we recognize that it's not serving us and we want to fix that and we can Yeah. Honestly swing way too far the other side. And if we're not careful, the problem is that the too far ends are both just as toxic as each other. And the goal is to truly be in the middle. Right? So you allow yourself a little bit of that food and you allow yourself to work out and whatnot, but you find that peace in the middle instead of pushing yourself too hard. And I think that we get lost in that. I think we forget that because it's no, no, no, I've gotta get better. I've gotta do better. I've got to love myself more. And we push ourselves so hard to do that that we forget that, hang on, there's a middle ground that is so much better. <laugh>. Yeah, yeah. It's so true.
Speaker 2 00:18:39 It's so
Speaker 1 00:18:40 True. I love that you brought that out. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:18:42 And I think a large part of that is because of this idea of perfection that's just embedded in society, right? Like we have social media now, which has its pros, but a lot of its cons are like these images that are coming out of these women living these epic lives and having these perfect bodies. And they're always put together and everything's in order. And I think we see that and that's what kind of pushes us to one extreme or the other. Cuz we feel this obligation to have to meet that. And you know, I think part, part of the process for me was learning that that wasn't the way, that wasn't who I was. And I think that's a very, very good point. And it, it goes hand in hand with your comment about the pendulum cuz we're here in the middle and that's where we need to be. But we just feel this obligation to figure out how to be over here or over here. And that's what sets us back really.
Speaker 1 00:19:35 Yeah. And I mean it's really changed over the times, right? You talk about social media right now and, and years and years and years ago, all of the dolls, all of the little girls' dolls looked the same. They had, they were meteor bodies and meteor arms and you know, and they were pretty stiff. And then Barbie comes along mm-hmm. <affirmative> and now Barbie is what we're all supposed to try to look like. And then you have all of these billboards and other advertisement TV comes on and they have advertisements and you're learning that no, this is the image of beauty and this is the image of beauty. And it doesn't matter whether you're a male or man or a woman like male or female. It does not matter because regardless you are getting, these guys are supposed to be this way. They're supposed to be beefed up and non-emotional and providers and da da da da.
Speaker 1 00:20:20 And, and the women are supposed to be all soft and feminine and and perfect in this. And, and so we learned that through other advertising right. Through the TV and whatnot. But now it is so prevalent because times have changed and we have more media, right. We have more connectedness through the technology that we are blessed to have. And yet those images that we see all the time are these images and these expectations that are so impossible. Yeah. Right. Because that is her and she has a different metabolism and a different lifestyle than I do and a different history than I do. And my body has different traumas that it's remembering. And we are all so unique. We keep being bombarded by it. And yet I think the more that we can get out there that hey, you know what, I consider myself a slightly bigger girl and that's perfectly fine because I love myself just the way I am and I don't need to listen to all that other stuff. And yet how many other people see that it's like all of the, um, challenges that are on TikTok and whatnot and people are getting sick from them because that is what's being put out there as what we need to be doing. And the societal pressures are crazy. They're just, but we've been brought up from birth, you know? Yeah. From birth. It's been programmed into us.
Speaker 2 00:21:49 Yeah. A hundred percent. And on on that note about social media, one of the things I try and tell people to do to help them out is that one of the beautiful things about social media is that we do actually have control, though it seems like we don't. And that control is blocking and deleting and filtering your content. So what I advise people to do, when you have this stuff that causes triggers, it causes trauma, makes you doubt yourself, feel bad about yourself, questioning your body or your life. Delete that person, remove that content. Cause if it's not showing up on your feed, it's not in your face reminding you of what you're lacking or what you don't have. And so that's one of the biggest reminders I like to give my clients is just get rid of it and it's not in your mind. And keep doing you and bring in the positive reinforcement. Right. Bring on like the positive lifestyle changes and the, the not nothing about perfectionism, just embracing bodies, diversity like, you know, different skin d bodies, shapes, hair colors. Bring in the things that make you feel good and remind you that diversity is beautiful cuz that's gonna help you too.
Speaker 1 00:22:53 That is a fantastic tip. Tip. And I love it because it's this, it's very tangible. It's very real. Yes. And like, I want people to really hear that. I want people to really get it because if, if there is anything about that person that you are looking in that moment or the message that they are giving you that hits you in a not positive, uplifting, good way, why are you taking that in? Exactly. Like why are you choosing to continue ingesting the stuff that does not bring you joy and happiness and excitement to be living the life that you're living. If it's not boosting you up, it is tearing you down. Why would you take that? Why would you
Speaker 2 00:23:36 Exactly. Why make that choice to keep hurting yourself? And the same goes for people in your life too, right? Set those boundaries. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:23:46 Oh
Speaker 2 00:23:48 Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:23:48 There's so much. Boundaries are hard. Boundaries are hard.
Speaker 2 00:23:53 They're hard with people, especially family and friends. I get it. It's hard. But I mean, if if it's not serving you in a positive way, what, where's it going? Right?
Speaker 1 00:24:03 Yeah. Yeah. I I uh, I actually have a podcast coming out soon that is literally about boundaries and about building a castle wall. And you are inside. Beautiful. I like that. You know, those boundaries, you have to have sentinels and all sorts of stuff because people, we don't, we don't, I always say we are a finite resource. There's only so much of us to go around. And if we don't put those, yeah. If we don't put those boundaries up, we are draining ourselves to nothing on behalf of someone else in, in someone else's name. And, and, um, you know, body image, we're tearing ourselves down for somebody else's benefit. Right. Yeah. Literally. Why do I, why do I need to make someone
Speaker 2 00:24:48 Else <laugh>? Why? Right.
Speaker 1 00:24:51 I know. It's like, come on, gimme a break. This is not for you. This is me. <laugh>. Right. So when you were going through all that stuff, what, what was the, um, you were trying a lot of different things to see. Yes. Will I like this? Will I like that? I wanna know what was the one thing that surprised you that you would like the most? Like you did it and you thought, I'm gonna hate this, but you actually loved it.
Speaker 2 00:25:19 Surprisingly, so two things actually running and hit workouts. Um, so obviously being plus size, I, I'm not built to run. Ha ha ha, how can I do that? <laugh>. But I started and I started, cuz at the time when I was with my husband, we had the an ice bungalow and we were pretty much, um, right behind us was a golf course. It was not even a five minute walk from a house to the golf course. And around the golf course was this beautiful path walkway where you can walk and jog, you know, do whatever outside. Um, and so I was like, I wanna start going here and doing this. So I started literally with 20 and 30 seconds and I just, that's as far as I could go, right? Like it just, I was out of breath. I had planners fasciitis at the time. I had low back pain at the time, so I physically couldn't go, but as I kept going, so yeah, like after I would run, even if it was for 20 seconds, my body felt so good after it was that feeling that like it was on this positive adrenaline, right?
Speaker 2 00:26:17 Yeah. And I was like, this is an energy I've never felt before. Um, and it was a natural energy, which I liked. It wasn't coming from the sugar I was fueling with myself with before. Um, so doing that and so as I kept going progressively I was able to run more and more. Yeah. And I would started using the treadmill at the gym and the next thing I knew I was running up to 45 minutes, either outside or on the treadmill running around this full from my house around the track at the golf course and back home. Yeah. And my planner's fasciitis was gone. My back was feeling better and it was all because I took the time and that's why I say go step by step, whether it's with a physical activity or just something new, you're bringing into your life up because it's gonna be hard at first.
Speaker 2 00:27:02 But if you keep going, the rewards are beautiful and you learn that this is something that's meant to be in your life. And then second to that was hit workouts again. I was like, I'm plus size. I'm not built for lean muscle and like using body weight and what is all this? But I came across Betty Rocker, um, she's an absolute fabulous nutrition and health coach in the US and at the time she had this free 30 day challenge. So you'd sign up for this challenge and every day you'd get a workout, like a 20 minute hit workout in your inbox. So I was like, cool, this is easy, it's convenient, it's quick, I can do it from home. And at first they were hard cuz hit workouts are a lot of strength training, which I was new to. But it got to the point and she's so motivating in her workout, she's like, yeah, rockstar, you've got this, you're a rockstar.
Speaker 2 00:27:52 And it got to a point where by the end of the 30 days I was finishing those last few days, I missed her. Like I was excited to get home from work and have Betty Rocker and finish my day in a positive. And so I ended up signing up for a few more of her packages and to this day I still do her workouts. Every morning I do a hit workout at home. And I never ever thought that that was something I would do. Yeah. So those were the two biggest things. And then public speaking, being here now, um, I had convinced myself I was an introvert, but I learned I'm not an introvert. I just convinced myself of that because it was easier to isolate and hide and not deal with people and be insecure around people. And so here I am, like now talking and having this beautiful conversation with you and inspiring, you know, all your listeners. Like, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. What doors you can open when you just try.
Speaker 1 00:28:42 Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Thank you for sharing that. My next question is though, you, it's a challenge and it's a change. <laugh>, you were married, you had a, a partner and Yeah, when we choose to change, when we choose to switch up the way that we are living because we are no longer happy and we recognize that we have to do something, it obviously affects our partner as well because you're in this together and you guys can either accept the changes that are going there and support each other through the changes or you can end up drifting apart. So how did this change, how did this decision for you affect your marriage in the beginning and then in the middle and then later?
Speaker 2 00:29:28 Yeah. Um, so yeah, we ended up obviously drifting apart. Um, in the beginning it was great. Um, he, he was a bit motivated, like, you know, seeing Mike Gusto and seeing me going and he was on board. Um, but then as my confidence came out more and I wanted to try new and different things, so like going and playing tennis, doing my own activities, um, he didn't wanna kind of change the lifestyle that we had. So it was very much, it became that, um, that moment where you grow together or you grow apart. So in the beginning it was great. He was on board, saw the changes, it was happy and proud for me. But then as the weight kept coming off and my confidence was flourishing, um, there was a bit insecurity on his part in terms of whether I was still committed to the marriage and him, or if I was, you know, seeking attention elsewhere.
Speaker 2 00:30:17 Just because I was becoming a different version of myself and I was talking to more people more easily and more freely. Um, though I never did, I'll be very clear, I never did. We'd step outside the marriage, but he had that insecurity, which didn't help us and that led to arguments. Um, so ultimately we ended up having the conversation towards the end of the journey. And um, yeah, it was just, you know, this is where I'm at now. I would love to keep growing with you and have you like, kind of like compromise more. Right? I would love to have you partake in more of what I'm interested now instead of me just doing what you are doing. Um, yeah. Cause I just, I'm not interested in those things all the time and it's, it's support me and I'll support you kind of thing. Let's meet in the middle.
Speaker 2 00:31:02 Um, but he was very happy with how our life was and didn't wanna change that. And I think with that and his insecurities about the person I was becoming, it was just enough for me to say, I don't wanna do this anymore. It's not fair to me. I feel like I'm still gonna be holding myself back and living our marriage, living your life. And I, that's not where I am at anymore. So that was the end of it. You know, I gave him the opportunity. We had a good conversation and that was, yeah, we parted ways. So yeah.
Speaker 1 00:31:30 Do you guys still talk now? Are you on friendly terms
Speaker 2 00:31:33 Or We don't talk anymore. Um, primarily because I've actually moved, um, uh, two years after this happened. I ended up relocating, um, from where I was to where I am now. Um, but we did talk, um, for the first couple years after, um, he even, he even brought me a Christmas card. I remember, cause this happened I think August, September, uh, we had the conversation and decided to end it. And I remember in December he showed up at my office, which was a little weird. It was almost a little showy, but he brought me this Christmas card cause I love Christmas. Um, so, and I hadn't gotten him anything, you know, I hadn't reciprocated. So I was just, I was grateful and thankful. Um, and we did stay in touch. We talked on, you know, Facebook, me, social media and for a while we shot each other happy birthday messages.
Speaker 2 00:32:20 So it was still amicable. I know that doesn't happen for everyone. Um, but he's since moved on. I believe he's either engaged or before the pandemic he was engaged. I don't know what happened, you know, because of the pandemic if he's married or not. But yeah, we've both very much moved on and yeah, it, it, it ended well and it worked out for the best in the end. And he, he had even kind of recognized that after he went through his emotions, um, he was like, you know, I see how it wasn't working anymore. And I'm glad we made the decision and see it was good in the end. It was good for both of us.
Speaker 1 00:32:50 Do you think that your newfound confidence and awareness in yourself and the choices that you were making, do you think that that helped you have those conversations with him or? Um, I just, sometimes we're aware and we're able to talk about what's going on for us and sometimes we're not and we end up fighting and yelling and arguing instead. And I think that those insecurities that come in end up creating more of a blast zone, if you will, from the confrontation that we've had with our partners. But I'm curious about if, cuz you said there were more arguments, right? Yeah. In the beginning it was just you and you were beaten down and he was secure with that. And then yeah, you started getting more confidence and then he started feeling a little bit threatened, which by the way is a mirror to my first r my first marriage as well.
Speaker 2 00:33:44 See we all go through this. Women use your voices. We've all had that relationship. And do not be ashamed to say it is time to move on. Oh, we all, yes.
Speaker 1 00:33:56 Once, once you said that something about finding your strength, finding your confidence. Yeah. When, when you initially get into that marriage and they have you as someone who is less confident and then all of a sudden you gain confidence, there is this, oh crap, you know, is she gonna leave me? Is she like, yeah, there's uh, there are these huge insecurities that come in and it causes, it does absolutely cause a whole bunch of strife and upset in that relationship. A whole bunch of conflict because of the fears and the new stuff that's coming in. And in the same aspect as the woman, you're afraid of going back to the way you were. Yep. You're like, no, no, no, this feels so good. I feel so confident and strong and I love this and I want to continue that. And I'm afraid of going back.
Speaker 1 00:34:42 And in the same aspect he's like, but I'm afraid of going forward because of what? Like what does that mean for us? And, and um, yeah. And yet in finding my voice, in finding my strength, I was able to be more grounded. And instead of the yelling and the screaming and the big arguments that were just unfair to ourselves and the children. Yes. Um, I, we were able to be like, you know what? This just really isn't working. We're not friends anymore. Yeah. And you kind of have to be friends before you can be lovers and partners. So what do we wanna do and how do we work? Wanna work this out? But I could not have that conversation until I had the confidence and I could not have a grounded, loving conversation with him saying, look, I still care about you and I really want the best for you and I would love to move forward. Yeah. Can we do it or can we not? Um, so I kind of answered my own question on my relationship
Speaker 2 00:35:42 <laugh>. Yeah. And no, I was just gonna say, um, I I was a hundred percent the same way. And I don't think if I had grown in myself and my confidence and taken this journey to explore and reconnect with who Caitlin actually is, I don't think I would've had the confidence either. And I think it's really taking the time to find that and discover yourself that helps women make that final decision. Cause it was through that that I actually got comfortable being assertive and saying, okay, this doesn't fulfill my needs and I am only concerned right now with fulfilling my needs. Not to say I no longer love you or that we can't make this work, but I know how important that I am now and what I need in a partner and a relationship to move forward. Yeah. And I never would've had that conversation before.
Speaker 2 00:36:27 Never. And and it's hard because you still care about, and you don't wanna hurt feelings because you know, either way that's gonna happen. But I think just when you have the confidence, you're also able to picture what lies on the other side of getting through this awkward moment. It's accepting, being comfortable with the uncomfortable, that statement they always make you realize what's on the other side and you're like, I have to get through this moment, through this dark cloud. They respond how they respond and we go from there. But this is the beauty that awaits me if I at least have this conversation and know that there's something better for me through the cloud. Like Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:37:07 <laugh>. So now you help other people gain self-confidence Yes. And acknowledge their self-worth. How did you get to that point? How did you go from I've got this, this is fantastic to now I'm helping other people.
Speaker 2 00:37:22 So yeah, there's actually two reasons for that. Um, the first one being the business coaching. Um, so I started taking that in May of 2020. I'm just trying to think of years here. I'm so lost pandemic. Oh my goodness. 2020 I started taking a business coaching program. Um, it was something I did for myself. I was still working full-time, but I was like, I wanna explore. I wanna be around like these powerhouse women and see what they have to say. And in doing that, I realized I didn't wanna work at an office job anymore. I didn't wanna be using my skills and abilities and all the good things I now believed about myself and my achievements. I didn't wanna be giving this to somebody else anymore. Um, so I actually decided to launch, um, Bohemian Beach Boutique, which is an e-commerce boutique. And it retails boho fashion and swimwear in diverse and inclusive sizing.
Speaker 2 00:38:11 And that's where my mission began because I wanted to advocate for women. And initially I wanted to do it through fashion because fashion was always touch and go for me. I knew I liked fashion, but when I was plus size, especially at the time in the late nineties, early two thousands, let's be honest, plus size fashion was shit. Like, they basically built tents and moomoos with crap patterns and that's all you, you had or you had these side sections inside of stores, which so kind of exists. Um, and so I didn't like fashion, but I still had this style personality. And so I was like, I wanna advocate for women and bring them something where the clothes make them feel good and confident and they don't feel segregated and like they have these crap options. So that's what I did. But then not even within a year of having the boutique, I realized my mission for supporting women was more important to me than making the sales and the fashion.
Speaker 2 00:39:09 I felt like there was a more intimate and more yeah. Intimate and better way that I could serve women. And that was by focusing specifically on the self-worth and confidence itself. Helping women actually bring that out within themselves so they're comfortable expressing their style personalities and who they are in whatever they wanna wear, whatever they wanna do in life. Because let's face it, when you don't have that self-worth and confidence, that's when you stay down and you wind up at that bar where I was. And so I want women to not be there because none of us deserve to be there. And when we are there, it's all the results of outside factors and we can get rid of all of that to turn within and take ourselves up to the next level. So that's when I started a master Your body, um, mindset coaching. I was like, I need to do this and be there for women in this way. So yes. I hope that answers your question,
Speaker 1 00:40:06 <laugh>. No, it does. You're good. You're absolutely great because I'm glad that you brought up your boutique because I am very much, I love the bohemian chic, um, style. Awesome. I've always been drawn to it. And so me too. I actually checked out that website and I was like, this is pretty flipping cool <laugh>. Um, so, uh, yeah, I I was, I was all over the website and I'm going to Hawaii in January, so
Speaker 2 00:40:32 Oh wow. We might need a
Speaker 1 00:40:34 <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:40:35 Nice highways, confidence rising <laugh>, right?
Speaker 1 00:40:41 I need, yeah. So I'm glad that you brought that in because Baston is a challenge and I love that that was kind of your groundwork and then you were like, but I wanna do more, wanna do more. I want to do more, be more, help more and, and see that change. Yeah. And I think that it really needs to start on that one-on-one kind of level because
Speaker 2 00:41:00 Percent,
Speaker 1 00:41:01 It feels way more supportive to the person who is shifting to the person who is changing. To have that one person that believes in them and is encouraging them and giving them the tools to help move through it. I, it is so much more powerful and transformative to do that. Yes. And and that's why I do it as well, is this, this connection that you get to help whoever it is Yeah. That needs that extra boost. So I commend you for choosing, choosing to take that additional step and saying, I'm thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So
Speaker 2 00:41:38 Yeah, it's a great feeling, great feeling.
Speaker 1 00:41:41 So I know that you are super passionate about helping people recognize their self-worth and changing their own body image. Is there something else that you are super passionate about that you wanna share while you have this platform?
Speaker 2 00:41:57 Oh, <laugh>. Um, right now, honestly, this growing my coaching business and just inspiring women is honestly my biggest passion, um, at this time. I don't know if I have
Speaker 1 00:42:15 Something answer to that. You're lo you're located in BC right?
Speaker 2 00:42:19 No, I'm in Ottawa.
Speaker 1 00:42:22 Ottawa, Canada.
Speaker 2 00:42:22 I'm in Ottawa. Yeah. My mom's in BC though. Maybe that's <laugh> maybe we talked about my mom before <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:42:30 Um, um, so in, in the vein of helping you grow and stretch and find more people, how do people find you?
Speaker 2 00:42:40 So the best place to find me is on Facebook. Um, I believe in community and women supporting women and people helping people. Um, so I've created this beautiful empowerment group Facebook, it's called Master Your Life and Body with Coach Caitlin and I use it as a space, as a safe space for women to share their stories, to use their voices. We can all connect and remember that we're never in something alone where I offer tips and inspiration. I do motivational Monday videos. Um, it's just a very, it's a very good space to stay connected. So if you wanna find me, master your life and body with Coach Caitlin on Facebook. If you're not on Facebook, you can also take to Instagram. Um, it's master Your Body mindset coaching. It's a bit of a long one <laugh>. Um, but I am on Instagram as well. The content's a bit different there. I think Facebook is a bit more intimate and it's my preferred platform, but I have something on both for wherever you are.
Speaker 1 00:43:35 Fantastic. Yeah. Um, before we go, I have a couple of other questions. Is there anything else you wanna share before I ask my questions?
Speaker 2 00:43:44 I don't think so. I think we're good. We've had a pretty great discussion here. I feel <laugh> I feel pretty good about what we've shared. No, I'm nervous though.
Speaker 1 00:43:52 No, these are fun questions and I love asking them on every one of them. Okay. What is your favorite or unique type of self-care?
Speaker 2 00:44:02 Hmm. I don't know if it's unique, but my favorite. I am a wine lover. Uh, like to the point where I like to wine taste and I do food pairings and stuff. So what I actually enjoy is a glass of red wine, um, in a bathtub with epso and salts. That is my ultimate favorite. Uh, I'll often bring my cell phone and put something on YouTube, some calming music that is my favorite go-to. Um, if it's wintertime, I love to snowshoe, so I'll even throw that in. I'll take like a full Saturday or Sunday and make, make it my day. So I'll go for a snowshoe for a couple of hours, come home, do the tub thing, and then make something for dinner. I love to cook. Um, yeah. But the bath is my like favorite place with a glass of good wine. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:44:46 Beautiful. And then I love that. Um, I love a good bath too with whether it's EP and salt or like some milk and honey bubble bath or something. It's like, oh
Speaker 2 00:44:55 Yes, so, so, so sweet.
Speaker 1 00:44:58 Yeah, it's like you can't talk to anybody. You can't do any it, it would to be echoy. They would know you're in the bathroom <laugh>, right?
Speaker 2 00:45:05 Yes, exactly. It's like, well then I, I actually leave my door open a crack just to get, um, cause I don't have a window in my bathroom, so I'll leave it open a crack to get air. But I have two cats and once in a while they'll be like, Hmm, where's mom? And you hear the door just come down, all of a sudden there's pause up on the side of the tub and I'm like, hello, this is my time. Please exit the bathroom. Like, I'll get your treats soon as I'm done. <laugh>
Speaker 1 00:45:32 <laugh>, I'll reward you for, I'll reward you for leaving me alone. That's all
Speaker 2 00:45:36 Right. Exactly. Please proceed out the door. <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:45:41 See, even with fur children, we don't get time alone.
Speaker 2 00:45:44 Yeah. <laugh> sometimes they're worse. I gotta tell you,
Speaker 1 00:45:49 Like
Speaker 2 00:45:50 Over Christmas I had, you know, ribbon on the presents. I had ribbon vomits spewed around my apartment cuz heaven forbid they leave that alone. Ooh, it's shiny. Let me
Speaker 1 00:45:59 Eat it. Yeah, I know it works. Uh, not cool. Yeah. Um, and then my other question is, uh, I'm, I'm huge on journaling prompts and journaling in and of itself because it's a fantastic way to process what you're going through, what you're experiencing, where you wanna be, how you're feeling, all of the things, you know. Yeah. So what journaling prompt would you have my listeners dive into?
Speaker 2 00:46:28 Let's see, we're just in a new year. I think the, I think as a starting point, a prompt would be, what is everything that I achieved in 2022? I think that's a really great starting point because we all come into a new year making these, um, resolutions to become these perfect, newer, better versions of ourselves, right? And most of the time that has to do with the physical outside body. And we don't give ourselves as women enough credit for all that we do and achieve. We don't see this small as something that we've accomplished and we're you have celebrating. So I think those two things combined, let's get rid of the physical perfectionism that society wants. We, let's not focus on that and let's actually take time to write down all of the things that we've done for ourselves, reflect back, because that's gonna put us in a positive state to start, um, con or not even start, but continue with our progress in the next year. So, uh, yeah, with that, I think a great prompt would be what is everything I accomplished in 2022?
Speaker 1 00:47:34 Beautiful. Hey, you heard it from Coach Caitlin. What did I accomplish? All the little things. All the big things. That's fantastic. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for connecting with me and having so smooth and wonderful. This was just a great little conversation. So
Speaker 2 00:47:50 Yes, yes. Thank you. This such fabulous conversation. I'm super excited. It went really well, <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:47:58 Thank you. Hey everybody, check her out. And I look forward to seeing you here next week on Breathe In. Breathe Out.
Speaker 3 00:48:12 I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Kowski on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In. Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.
