Episode Transcript
Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I'm Krystal Jakosky, and this is Breathe In, Breathe out, a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little piece while doing it.
Welcome to this episode of Breathe In, Breathe Out. It's all about sharing and selfishness, and I know that sounds weird, and yet I tell you that if we all learned how to share to be selfish, we'd be much happier people. So enjoy the listening, and if you'd like to contribute to receive continued great content, then find the link in my bio. Thanks much.
Hello and welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I am Krystal Jakosky, your host, and whew, this is a good one. This is a good one. And I love how it all came about. I love how it all came together. So <laugh>, thanks for joining me and, and, um, I hope you like what I have to say as much as I'm excited to tell you about it. <laugh>
In my life as a caregiver, I went through a really rough patch. My mom was shifting medications a lot, and that meant that we were dealing with the side effects from the medication as well as trying to see how the medication was dealing with the symptoms that we were trying to work with. And she was insecure and concerned, and it was just a big jumbling mess. It meant that I was really tired and emotional and I was really struggling to make it through. And <laugh>, one day I was supposed to jam with a friend. He has written music albums and every now and then he asks me to sing on them. I canceled that because I was too tired and the next day I was supposed to be tying quilts with a girlfriend. I kept that because she was, she's a friend that doesn't care if I'm not at my best and she's a friend that I can absolutely be real with and I am so grateful that I have that. If you have that, be grateful because not everybody has that <laugh>.
So I invited her over. We were already getting together and we just sat there and we tied quilts. It was beautiful because on the one hand I was being productive, they’re going to be Christmas gifts, and on the other hand, I was totally relaxed in good company and if I wanted to cry, I could cry. And if I wanted to laugh, I could laugh. We watched a movie together, “PS, I Love You”, and finished that.
The next day I went to my talk doc and it was an amazing session where I cried a ton and she was so wise and helpful in her responses and support and encouragement of me. And after that, I came home and I laid on a massage table and I got a massage. As I was laying there, we were chit chatting about life in general. Sometimes we were quiet and I'd fall asleep. And then sometimes I was awake and we were chatting and, and at one point we were talking about the Sacred Circle that I hold here at The Beam and Bell. And we were talking about the Death Cafe where we have coffee, tea, and cake, and talk about all things death. We were talking about things that I enjoy and the idea that maybe I would want to start volunteering somewhere because she was talking about volunteering like at a children's home or something. And so we kept talking about things that blew us up, and I started to laugh. <laugh>. She's working on a muscle and I, it, it was not a good muscle, it hurt, and my response to the pain, was giggling and laughing.
Then I was reminded of a girlfriend when I was like, I don't know, 15, 20 years ago when I still went to church. She came into church and she sat down next to me and out of her purse, her church bag, she pulls this little snack size Ziploc baggie. So a small Ziploc baggie of these Easter treats that I really like. They're the Cadbury little, they're the little eggs that have chocolate in the middle and then a crunchy outer coating kind of thing. And they're shaped like eggs. And I love these things. I absolutely love these things, but I never buy myself a bag because I would eat the whole damn bag in one sitting. I just can't stop myself.
So she knew this and she hands this bag to me, and it's before, and it's before the sermon and whatnot has started. And she leans over and she says, I just want you to know I am sharing to be selfish <laugh>. And I looked at her a little bit cross-eyed, and I was like, you're doing what? She said, I'm sharing to be selfish. I am giving you this much, the tiny little snack size bag so that I can keep the rest of the bag to myself. <laugh>.
It's delightful. I absolutely love it. I think it's fantastic. I'm sharing to be selfish. And as I was laying on that massage table that day and we were talking about volunteering and we were talking about what I do, I realized that I, that is like a motto for my life. I like to share to be selfish. I shared tying a quilt and watching a movie with a girlfriend because it helped her. She needed to get out of the house. But in the same aspect, it helped me because it filled my soul knowing that I could be so real and so raw with someone. I shared my time so that I could be selfish when I went, when I go to the Death Cafe and we talk about all things, whatever comes up.
I host them here. I share my space with these wonderful people in the lgbtq+ community and their allies, and we sit around and we talk about all things death, whether it's our own or someone else's, like a loved one or just what we're struggling with. I share my space, but I'm also being selfish because it fuels my soul to be able to be with these people. When I do a Sacred Circle, I share my space and my time, whether I'm giving a talk, a spiritual talk, or I am helping with a guided meditation or doing a guided meditation, I am sharing my time, my talents, my space with all of these people, and yet I'm being selfish because it fuels my soul. I am sharing of myself to be selfish.
I love it. When I thought about volunteering, she was talking about volunteering at a children's home, sharing her time so that she could fuel her soul. It was kind of a selfish thing to do because she needs to get out and she wants to feel the gift. I, my sister, my younger sister, she actually started volunteering at a bakery. She was sharing her time, but it was giving her so much more back.
I want you to take a minute and think about you and your life. Are there things that you share so that you can be selfish? Do you share of your time and your energy so that you can then take time for you or in sharing? Does that give back to you more than what you put out? Is sharing, actually fueling your cup is sharing the self-care that you absolutely need. And I'm not saying self-care is selfish, that's not what I'm saying at all. I believe that, and actually maybe we should all be selfish and do some fricking self-care because quite frankly, it doesn't fricking matter. What matters is that you have put yourself higher on the priority list and that you are fueling yourself and giving as much to yourself, if not a little bit more than what you're giving out. Because if you're only exchanging one for one, how do you ever feel better and improve? You're always like skirting on that lower no.
Give yourself as much as you're giving out, my gosh, I'm fine being selfish <laugh>, I am fine saying, “You know what? I just can't talk about this right now because I don't have the bandwidth and I'm really super tired and I know you need my love and support, and yet personally, I gotta take care of myself before I can take care of you.” It's selfish in the most beautiful way, and it is strong and it is fantastic. And if we could all just own it and say, “Fuck you”, sorry if they're little kids in the car, “I need to take care of me.”
I watched the unsinkable Molly Brown with my mom a little while ago before we went to visit the Molly Brown house down in Denver. And as we're watching this movie, Molly Brown said, “I am important to me. I am more important to me than anyone I ever knew.” She knew her self-worth, she knew her value. And that was in the movie. Now, I don't know that Molly Brown actually said that in real life, but in the movie, this is what she said, and I thought it was so beautiful I had to write it down because it's a reminder. She was the most generous giving woman. She was constantly doing galas and parties to fundraise for different needs. Whether it was a children's home or building a church or whatever it was.
She was on the Titanic. She helped people get through it. She was on a boat that was not picked up for several hours after the Titanic sank. Then after it sank, she was the one who was making all of these wealthy people pitch in because there were a bunch of immigrants on that boat as well, and they had packed everything that they had onto that ship, and they had lost everything, including their spouses, their fathers. She was like, “I'm gonna help these people.” She was a beautiful person. And yet the idea that somebody would recognize that they are that important, you are so important because if you did not exist, then who would love the people that you love, the way that you love them? Who would support the people that you want to support the way that you do it?
You know, in the Bible, there's this one story, whatever you want to call it, and it's talking about tending your garden. And this is one of the ones that I pay attention to because my world, the people that I come across, the people that I get to associate with or touch, that is part of my garden. My garden, for better or worse, can affect the gardens around me and the gardens around those and the gardens around those. If I let my garden go to seed, and then you have those little flowers that have all the little seeds on it, like a dandelion and then they float, you can affect gardens miles and miles away unknowingly simply by how you tend your garden.
Now, coming back to this topic of sharing to be selfish, I share my knowledge with other people, part of that selfish because it helps me feel better knowing that I have dropped a gem, that I have given a seed of beauty, and they can let it grow if they want to. They can fertilize it and water it. Volunteering, I'm sharing to be selfish because I'm sharing my time, and yet the joy and the peace that I get from that is so beautiful. Every now and then, this concept comes back around and I'm reminded of the beauty of it. I'm reminded of that day in church when I just had to laugh out loud, <laugh>. It was a good thing that the service hadn't started because I would've been a little disruptive. And I always, when I see those eggs in the store at Easter, I always remember “sharing to be selfish”. It's just that now I see it in a new light, sharing my time, sharing my talents, sharing my energy, sharing my gifts, and how does that support me? How does that help me grow? How does that make me be a better person? How does that fill my cup so that I can continue sharing and being selfish as well?
Thanks for listening. Thanks for sharing your time with me. I hope that in sharing your time with me, you're a little selfish and you found a little gem. A little seed that you want to plant, and may that seed be the most beautiful plant, a beautiful flower, or maybe it's sweet potatoes or tomatoes or corn, something delicious that you can really chew on and bring you within. I hope you have a wonderful day. I wish you the best. I send you my love, and I hope to see you again here next week on Breathe In. Breathe Out.
I hope this moment of self care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Krystal Jakosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breath In, Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.
