The Importance of Maintaining Individuality in Relationships

Episode 83 November 09, 2022 00:14:24
The Importance of Maintaining Individuality in Relationships
Breathe In, Breathe Out with Krystal Jakosky
The Importance of Maintaining Individuality in Relationships

Nov 09 2022 | 00:14:24


Hosted By

Krystal Jakosky

Show Notes

Every human has a myriad of facets - the interesting things and angles which make up who you are, what you like, what you believe, how you view the world, etc. These facets mean we all have depth and dimensions to our personalities and attitudes. Maintaining our facets means we have endless opportunities to connect with our partner.
To learn more about the importance of maintaining your facets in your relationship, tune into this week's episode of Breathe In, Breathe Out!




FIRST TIME HERE? Hey, there! I’m Krystal Jakosky - a teacher, writer, and transformational life coach based in CO. I release weekly podcasts about self-care, hard truths, journaling, meditation, and radical self-ownership. All are wholeheartedly welcome here. 

LET’S CONNECT! Visit my website and visit me on InstagramFacebook, YouTube.

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Episode Transcript

Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jakosky, and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out: a Weekly Mindfulness and Meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it. Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I’m Krystal Jakosky and hello. <laugh> I'm glad that you're here. This life is such a beautiful journey and it is filled with so many wonderful experiences and lessons and just people it's fascinating and beautiful. And I'm so grateful that I can learn so much from so many different people. I'm so grateful that we're all different and unique. I love learning something from a different perspective because I'm talking with a friend or a new acquaintance, and I find out that they have a completely different point of view on some, whatever it is that than I do. And I get to listen, I get to learn. And then I get to question, well, why do I have that opinion? Why do I have that point of view and what needs to shift from there? Maybe my opinion and point of view are wrong. Thank you for challenging me. Thank you for talking with me and opening up my mind so that I can be even better as a human being so that I can be more compassionate and understanding because my experience is not the end all be all. Y'all no one else had my experience, which means it's unique to me. And that means yours is unique to you, which is just so cool. It's just, that it's mind-boggling and beautiful. And I, I love it. I absolutely love it. I think this world would be so unbelievably boring if we all had the exact same experiences and I mean Where would we go from there? How would we learn and shift? How would we know about compromise or I just, can't even fathom it. And so I love how we are. I love who we are. I love that we're so unique and different. And, and, um, it brings me to, I mean, I've gone down a rabbit hole mentally a couple of times on this. And so I'm, I'm excited to be talking about it with you right now. And it's about maintaining your uniqueness in this world. It's about standing strong in your experiences and at the same aspect, I'm not telling you that you have to just be you. I think it's really good for all of us to be slightly pliable and teachable and willing to learn, willing to challenge the concepts that are out there and the beliefs that are out there. I think that that's how, um, we can just be kinder, gentler human beings. I think we have to question so that we can grow. No one person's experience is right or true or correct. That's how we get into trouble. That's how we have even more conflict. When people say, no, you have to believe what I believe. You have to follow me. You have to do what I do. It really screws things up. I don't like it. It bothers me. I like control of my own life. I like to choose my own things. What do you like, what do you enjoy? What are your hobbies? Whether it's self-care or just in general, what is it that makes you, you, what beliefs do you have? What is your personal code of ethics? What are your truths? What lessons did you learn as you grew up that, that you hold absolutely dear to your heart? And then what lessons did you learn? And you have said, no, I don't believe that anymore because I believe this. And can you stem that answer back? Why do you believe the new thing? What happened that made that new belief change? Because even that shift, that moment feeds into you and who you are right now. What you like right now, this podcast episode is about maintaining your individuality. It's about remembering who you are and how amazing you are in the relationships that you have. If we all changed, shifted, and morphed to be like someone else, that's where this world gets boring. Now, some people are gonna call it codependency. And that is a big word. And it is something that, uh, if you have experienced it, I encourage you to get professional help, to work through how to not be codependent. I'm talking about relationships on every level and how beneficial they can be. If you're in a romantic or a life partner type relationship, you both come in and you have your own facets, your only own likes, and dislikes. And this is what has kind of attracted you to each other in the beginning. Anyway. And yet over time, it's extremely common for the two partners to start compromising a little bit and they stop doing this hobby, or they stop doing that and they become more and more like each other. And they lose those facets that they were attracted to in the first place. Now, on the one hand, this can be super beneficial and helpful because you both love to go to sports games or you both love to cook together, or you both love this and those are facets that you may have had before or learned during the relationship that you enjoyed. And you have built relationship facets on those things that you like together. And yet when you first got together and you had all of these other additional facets that they were attracted to, it meant that you had a ton of things to talk about. It meant that there were so many different things that you could connect on. And as you stop doing them, as you start losing those facets and smoothing out into this rounded orb, instead of this faceted-filled gem, there's less to connect on. There's less to talk about and you find yourself staring at each other going well, now, what, what do you wanna do? I don't know. What do you wanna do? You lose some of those abilities to connect because there's not as much to connect on. You both know everything, but if you have your own hobbies, your own like your own excitement, then you come together and you say, Hey, you know, let me tell you about my day because I did all of these fabulous things and they were different and they were unique. And today I went and enjoyed this hobby that I haven't done in forever. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. Think about friendships. Perhaps you've had a friendship that you, maybe it's new. Maybe it's old, somebody that you really like and really wants to connect with. And you start losing yourself because you're, you really want to connect with that person. And they say, well, I love this. And they have a super-strong sense of being. And so you start following them and doing what they like to do and being what they like to be because you really want to have that connection. And eventually, you look back and you say, wait a minute, who am I? And where did I go? I don't know who I am now, because this is different. You have morphed and changed enough that you can connect with that specific person as a friend or an acquaintance. And you've lost yourself. Where does that leave you? Where do you want to be maintaining your facets? Maintaining your individuality is fantastic. Think about a new job. And you have this boss and you really wanna impress the boss and you wanna move up on the corporate ladder. So you start, they hire you. They think they're, you're fantastic. You have shown that you will be unbelievably valuable to that team. So you get on the team and initially, you're helping them grow and shift and change because of all your great ideas and all of the things that you and your new facets bring to the team. And over time, you stop bringing the facets and you mold to be more like the rest of the team. And eventually, the team continues being the way that they were because your facets aren't there anymore. You've molded into what's already there. I hope this makes sense. I hope you're following along with me. What I think is once we know who we are at our core and our true being, we really cultivate those different facets and maintain our individuality in this world while still finding compassionate understanding for people around us. I think that that conflict, I think leads to added knowledge, added growth, and added improvements. When you look at it with the business, they hired you because you were fantastic. And something about you really triggered a, we want them on our team and we can know that we can grow with them. So you have all these facets and you bring it and you make them grow and you make them rethink some of their processes and things are even better because you bring new blood and new ideas and new concepts into this group. That's already there. The group gets stuck without you. You're breathing new life and growth into the company because of your uniqueness. Don't lose that, hold onto it, maintain it. In fact, grow it because you never know what fantastic advancements might happen because you brought that in, in that friendship instead of conforming to somebody else, you can say, Hey, I really like this. Give them the opportunity to grow, maintain who you are and the fabulousness that exists in you and your being and give other people the opportunity to grow and learn something new connect in a new way in your relationship, maintain your individuality, maintain all of those facets that make you uniquely you. That's why you guys were attracted to each other because of all of your experiences, because of everything that culminates in the beauty of your being as a human nurturing, those maintaining your individuality also feeds into self-care. It feeds into your own truth. This also means you have to know who you are. You have to know what you like. So start making those lists start understanding yourself a little bit better, a little bit deeper, recognize the truth and the beauty in all of the experiences that you have had and have brought you to this space and recognize all of those things that you do, whether it's running an exercise or little hobbies, like crafting and gardening, whatever it is that you uniquely are and enjoy. And instead of looking at it, as I'm making somebody else change, look at it as an opportunity to, Hey, they get to learn something new. I have something to offer me and the beauty of who I mean is that there's an opportunity for growth. And in the same aspect, you have the opportunity for growth with every other person that comes into your life. What can you learn? How can you embrace something new, that gift of change and expanding your thoughts and experiences, your beliefs, and your own personal truth? We are all a gift. We are all unique. We are all so beautiful because of that fact. I hope you've enjoyed this message. I hope you've been inspired a little bit. I hope that you decide to dive in just, just a little bit deeper into who you are, and what you love. What's unique about you, and not only what's unique about you, but what you have to offer to everyone else around because you are uniquely and amazingly and beautifully you until next week. I'll see you here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I’m @krystaljakosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.

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