Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:03 Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in, and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I'm Crystal Kakowski, and this is Breathe In. Breathe out a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it.
Speaker 1 00:00:27 Hello, and welcome back to Breathe In, breathe Out. I'm Crystal Kowski, your host, and as always, I am so happy, thrilled, grateful that you choose to tune in and follow along on my life's journey and the inspirations that I have and the interviews that I get to do, the people that I get to connect with. This week, I wanna talk about an inspiration that I had while I was skimming Instagram the other day. I was taking in humor and inspirations. I was responding to some of the comments that I came across, and then I found a post. And this post really made me stop and think. It was a simple image with text, and the question was, are you relaxing or dissociating? Now, this is a great question, and you know, it made me think and inspired me. And now you guys get to be the lucky recipients of another music.
Speaker 1 00:01:25 Another episode, um, of me talking about something that really inspired me. So am I relaxing or dissociating? I molded over. On the one hand, I was absolutely working. I was responding to people, I was keeping the flow up. I was following new people. It's something you actually have to do if you want to remain visible and grow your audience as a business owner. This is part of the job. You are constantly connecting with people. On the other hand, it's fairly common and pretty easy, <laugh> to lose an hour or two to scrolling. Have you done this? <laugh>? Have you just started and lost track of time at the end of scrolling, this is my question for you. Do you feel better than when you started, when you sat down to start scrolling, whether you chose to relax or you chose to dissociate? Did you feel better when you stopped scrolling? Then when you initially sat down to start, did you find nuggets of wisdom and delight to infuse you with more positivity and resilience in this life that, I mean, this amazing life that you get to live right here, right now, did it uplift you and bring you joy and inspiration? Was it something super positive that you were really glad to be sitting down and glad that you took that time? Or did you emerge from your time in the social world feeling weighted and disconnected from the world around you?
Speaker 1 00:03:14 Did scrolling take more away from you than it gave to you? Now, as I sat here and I thought about it, and I tried to mull it over and figure out what I really wanted to do this, I decided that I had to apply that to my gaming. I love playing games on my phone, daily brain games color or black and white nanogram games, Kakuro, Sudoku, mixed with the kakuro. I love thinking and the challenge that these games bring to me, and let's face it, the creators make the game so addicting with leveling up and achievements, and you've gotta do the daily things so that you get the points and whatnot. They intentionally make it that way, and we fall right into their trap. Now, personally, I love a slow, easy morning. This is my personal time. I get to ease into my day as my mind builds the momentum of thought and fires up my mental processors. It is a, I woke up, I'm not quite ready to face the world. My husband's still asleep, and this is my me time. So it's really easy to get my processors going by picking up my phone and start playing the daily game before me.
Speaker 1 00:04:40 It starts my thinking, starts my problem solving. One of them is literally just coloring <laugh>. But after seeing this Instagram post, I was reminded of a time when I gave up games as a bet with one of my kids. It began as an argument between my me and my son about addiction and whether or not we could give up something we really enjoyed. Now, his addiction was the caffeine in Mountain Dew, and mine was playing games. Now, he didn't believe that caffeine was an addiction, even though in young Marines he had had to write reports and present those reports to the other kids in young Marines about addiction and how any substance that alters you is an, you know, can be an addicting thing. He was like, no, caffeine's not a drug. It's not something that you get addicted to. And I argued that the fact that he would get tired and could not make it through a day without one or two Mountain Dews meant that he was addicted to the caffeine that was in it and what it did for him, my addiction, while it wasn't ingesting something, it was literally playing games because I could not stop.
Speaker 1 00:05:58 Like every time I had a moment, I would pick up my phone and play another game. I can just, you know, it's five minutes, I can slide another game in here. I can slide another one there. I got 10 minutes while dinner's finishing up in the oven, so I'm just gonna play another game. Like I was constantly playing games. Now, <laugh>, we had this argument, what's an addiction and what's not? And then we decided we would see who could go longest without doing the thing that we had chosen, and he didn't make a weak. Now, he didn't let me know that initially he begged his brother not to tell, he begged his brother to keep the secret that he did not make it a week. <laugh> and I, on the other hand, made it over a month when he finally came clean and said, Hey mom, you, you won.
Speaker 1 00:06:46 Buy a long shot. You're right. I've been addicted to caffeine. If I don't have it, I get headaches and I struggle and I have a hard time and da, da, da, da, all of that stuff. And you have proven that you are the queen <laugh>, um, of this particular challenge. Now, I could have gone longer. I could have gone so much longer than just the one month that I made it because once I cut it out, I had refocused my energy and so I was focusing on education or the house or my other relationships or you know, just the, the myriad of other opportunities that are out there in life. And I wasn't rushing quite so much from one thing to the next so that I could create more time to play a game type thing. And yet when he admitted that he didn't make it a week and that he had been struggling to try to get back on and he just couldn't do it, it was really easy for me to slip right back into the old comfort and the mental stimulation.
Speaker 1 00:07:53 Instead of choosing to continue cutting those games out, I ended up sliding right back into letting time slide by to letting it all go. So that was years ago, and now this question comes up, are you relaxing or dissociating? And it takes me back to this moment that I had with my son where we were cutting out games, we were cutting out things, we were cutting out addictions. And I've noticed that me personally, I am spending a lot more time playing my games right now to level up, or I'm reading articles and scrolling social media. Now, I'm not saying the scrolling or reading those articles that I was reading and whatnot were bad. I have plenty of other things to do, plenty of other things that I could fill my time with than sitting on the couch and playing another game. And after that post, I really have to wonder, I sit back and I ask myself, am I relaxing or am I dissociating?
Speaker 1 00:09:06 Am I finding ways to avoid the living the life that I've built? Am I checking out? Am I avoiding doing something that I should probably do or take care of, but I'm not really motivated to do that, so I'm gonna do this instead? Am I creating my own problem? Because later I say, well, I have no time. Okay, but I just spent how many hours <laugh> over the last week playing those games and procrastinating instead of taking care of the very thing that I was avoiding in the first place. I've just spent all of that time. And what do I have to show for it? Am I avoiding it? Am I dissociating from life or am I giving myself a break for achieving a milestone that's relaxing, right? You've just pushed hard and you want a 10 minute break. So you choose to play a game, you choose to relax and check out for a little while.
Speaker 1 00:10:13 Am I achieving? And now I get a break, I get to reward myself or am I avoiding? The question comes down to what is my intention for playing those games? What is my intention for scrolling on any one of the social media platforms? Is my intention conscious or subconscious? Am I consciously choosing to do that, consciously aware of the consequences? Or am I subconsciously allowing myself to sabotage myself and avoiding in what's going on? I really think intention comes into this, and living intentionally is the huge focus in this whole concept. I mean, is it really that important? If I miss the daily puzzle? No, not really. I might miss out on my coins and oh, I don't really look forward to that. Or I might slide down in the rankings or, or, or like a million other things. Does that really matter? Like does that really affect my life in a negative way, a tangible, negative way?
Speaker 1 00:11:28 If I miss out on that daily puzzle, what are the literal repercussions of not playing? So I'm sitting here and aware of the fact that I've done this, aware that I've been playing around like that, and this question is so beautiful and such a gift because it's another reminder from the universe saying, Hey, where are you at? What is your intention in what you're doing? When you are scrolling? Is your intention to find things that are uplifting and encouraging? Are you conscious and aware of what you are taking in? Are you choosing to vet the content that comes through? And I say that meaning that, are you choosing to block the ones that make you feel worse and subscribe to the ones that make you feel better? Are you aware of what you're taking in? Are you relaxing or dissociating? What is your intention? Where is your awareness?
Speaker 1 00:12:44 And is it time to check in and shift things a little? Yes, I love games. I love the challenge that it brings. I love the way that it makes my brain think, and I think that that part of it is very healthy. And it might be wonderful to reconnect with those games or disconnect with those games based on what I truly need in that moment. Do I need a break? And I am intentionally giving myself that or am I avoiding what needs to happen? Our intentions behind what we do, the time that we're spending where we're at can bring us so much joy, and yet it can also drain us so easily. And I sincerely hope that you take a moment to step back and ask yourself, where are you at? What is your intention? What is the result of what you're choosing to do? And would you like to have something better? I send you my love, I send you my encouragement. I hope you have an absolutely fantastic week. Feel free to comment and let me know how this affects you and what you've noticed in your own life. And I look forward to having you back here next time on breathing. Breathe Out.
Speaker 1 00:14:14 I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Kowski on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In. Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.
