Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor, take a slow, deep breath in.
[00:00:09] And now breathe out. Congratulations. You just meditated. Hi, I'm Crystal Jakowski, and this is breathe in. Breathe Out, a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it. One hello and welcome back to Breathe in. Breathe out. I'm Crystal Jacowski, and as always, I am very glad you're here.
[00:00:36] It is November 15. It's the middle of November, and we are heading into a wonderful season. Some of us love it, and we look forward to it every year we look forward to the goodwill, the joy, gift giving, being around family.
[00:00:58] Some of us have a harder time with that group setting.
[00:01:04] We might be struggling with loss, struggling with a myriad of other things in life that adulting just happens to bring up and bring on.
[00:01:20] Every year I get to this point, and every year I feel very, very strongly about doing a podcast specifically aimed at the holidays and what we go through.
[00:01:36] I love the holidays.
[00:01:39] I love creating fabulous moments for other people.
[00:01:44] I love putting the thought into the gifts that I'm giving away.
[00:01:52] I love going inward and reflecting on the year that I've had.
[00:02:00] This year, my siblings will all be coming into town, and we're all going to be staying in the same place, and it'll be unbelievably fantastic. It means that we'll have about 25 people together at any one given time.
[00:02:20] And since they're coming here to Colorado, that means that I have a little bit more to do, right.
[00:02:31] They're coming here, which means I have to host, which I put that in air quotes. I'm hosting everybody here in Colorado. Naturally, historically, that means that I would be just bouncing off the walls, running at 100 miles a minute, trying to make everything so perfect. I've got to get everything decorated, which means I need to do it early, and I need to get all these Christmas gifts, and I really want to do a little zhuzh in their stockings, and I want to figure out food and make it super special food.
[00:03:11] And maybe I want to Do a cute little, maybe I want to do, like, flowers in their rooms, or maybe I want to do a little welcome to Colorado Basket or something and just go over the top and be put way more on my shoulders than I need to do.
[00:03:25] And in the past, I've done some of that stuff.
[00:03:29] This year I've shared with you guys that my mom has dementia and I'm her caregiver. And that is the large reason why people are coming here. This year.
[00:03:40] But that means that on top of just normal everyday living, I'm also working on caregiving and I'm mentally constantly working on her and is she okay? And watching her medications and whatnot.
[00:03:59] In order to survive this holiday season, I recognized that I am going to have to pull back. I'm going to have to slow down, take a pause and ask, let other people help.
[00:04:24] I've already done the gifts.
[00:04:30] I know that sounds crazy at the 15 November, but I've been done with those gifts since August and I put a lot of thought into them and I can't tell you what it is because if any of my siblings listen, then they'll know what they're going to get. But I was delighted with what I did for them and right now all I have to do is box them and wrap them.
[00:04:58] So I have a little bit more time, I have a little bit more bandwidth and I'm excited to have them all here. So this one part of me says, but I love to do all those crazy little additional things.
[00:05:12] And this other part of me says, hey Crystal, if you want to come out of these holidays feeling as good as you are going into these holidays, you need to back off.
[00:05:29] You need to recognize your limits. You need to protect that pitcher of water.
[00:05:37] You need to protect yourself. So what can you let other people do?
[00:05:42] What can you say no to?
[00:05:44] How can you pull assistance in?
[00:05:49] My son just moved to Colorado and he's going to be at my house for Thanksgiving. So I already called him up and said, hey, we're decorating on Thanksgiving. Come over early, help me get it done. And I love you and I know that he'll come over other times with his girlfriend and I'll be like, hey, I've already got these gifts boXed. I just need every one of them wrapped. Can you guys help me out with that?
[00:06:18] I've already reached out to my siblings and said, hey, when you all are here, this is my plan.
[00:06:24] I'm going to have all the food, but I'm not going to be in charge of feeding everyone.
[00:06:30] It'll be thin for yourself for breakfast and lunch. There will be plenty of things that you guys can make for yourselves and each other.
[00:06:41] I won't be the one in the kitchen.
[00:06:45] I'm not going to expect that of myself and I'm not going to have you expect that of me. I've already been upfront in setting some boundaries and some expectations.
[00:07:00] That's not like me. That's not who I have been in the past. And yet that's what I'm doing right now, I am one who is an extrovert for a short amount of time. And I'm largely an extrovert because I want to provide these fabulous experiences for people. And you kind of have to be there in the experience while people are experiencing it. But then I need quiet, alone time so that I can regenerate and recuperate.
[00:07:31] I need that quiet, meditative moment to relax and come back to my center.
[00:07:37] So I might throw a party and be excited about throwing the party and then let me sleep in.
[00:07:46] Let me take an extra amount of time to clean up after the party. I'm not going to expect myself to have it all clean by 10:00 the next morning. It's okay.
[00:07:58] It's not going anywhere.
[00:08:00] You can leave the dishes for a little while.
[00:08:05] This is all me and I share with you guys all the time, me and how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking and what I'm doing and with the holidays. I share this in the hopes that you take something from it.
[00:08:21] If you are an extrovert all the time and you need those people, I hope that you seek out that community. And if you can't be in the community with your friends because your friends are introverts, however that works out. Perhaps you look at volunteering at a soup kitchen, or you find other ways that you can be with groups so that you can fill that need of yours to be with people.
[00:08:51] If you are someone who struggles with the holidays and it's just a very emotional time, I pray that you can find people that will sit with you, that can be with you in a quieter, more pensive space, that maybe you can do something to honor those people, or things that you are lamenting, that you are grieving so that you feel that love and support. Regardless, I hope that no matter how you are, that you listen to yourself, put some boundaries, set some expectations, give yourself a little bit of extra self care and time.
[00:09:38] You don't have to have a gift for everyone.
[00:09:44] A handwritten love note might be the perfect gift to let people know that you are really thinking about them.
[00:09:55] I think sometimes we don't share enough how we really feel and what we're really thinking about a friend or a loved one. And perhaps Christmas is the perfect time to let that out and share.
[00:10:11] Add memories, things that you're grateful about them for.
[00:10:17] You can go simple. I give you permission to cut back and go simple.
[00:10:23] Go easy this year. If you feel like you need to go to that party, but you're worried that it's going to drain you a little bit too much? Maybe you go to the party and let them know you've got to leave a little early.
[00:10:38] It's okay.
[00:10:41] Take care of you this holiday season is as much about celebrating other people as it is celebrating yourself, your growth. You made it through another year and it's a good time to celebrate that.
[00:11:00] Reflect, have quiet moments, curl up with a good book, hot tea, hot coffee. Snuggle under that blanket a little longer.
[00:11:17] Enjoy the moment.
[00:11:18] It's crazy to me that it's the holidays and yet it's in the winter and the winter is a time for introspection pulling back, hibernation respite. So find a way to balance the both. Do a little bit of out stuff, be with the people, do a little bit of internal stuff and fuel your soul.
[00:11:42] I hope you have wonderful holidays, that whatever you do to celebrate that you find yourself enjoy. I pray that you are able to laugh and fill your cup, connect with those people that you love and care about and leave the rest. I'm thrilled that you're here. I'm thrilled for this season.
[00:12:04] I pray for the best for you and I hope to see you again here next week on Breathe in, breathe out.
[00:12:17] I hope this moment of self care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Daikowski on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on breathe in, breathe out until all next time, take care.
