Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:03 Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hello and welcome back to Breathe In, breathe Out. I'm Crystal Kowski, your host, and I just thank you. Thank you for choosing in. Thank you for choosing to have me be a part of your day today to listen, to walk to maybe learn and grow and expand. Today's episode I'm talking about imposter syndrome and I'm talking about spiritual growth. In some of my past musings or podcast episodes, I've, I've talked just a little bit about choosing into my own spiritual growth. I consider myself a spiritual person, not a religious with a capital R because I don't ascribe to any specific organized religion. I don't subscribe to any of those, but I do very much have a connection to my higher power, to my spirit guides, to the beings that are there loving me, supporting me, helping me along my journey.
Speaker 1 00:01:19 And a while back I started feeling a little, not necessarily detached, but I really wanted a little bit more. My spiritual side wanted some nourishment, some direction, some guidance, some support. I was languishing just a little bit in trying to figure out what my next steps were and where I needed to be. And my physical body felt fine. My mental body was fine. <laugh>, my emotional body was fine. We were all just here, and I mean a little bit flat, but not horribly flat. I was still going through my days. I was still, um, making progress and achieving things. I felt good about the life that I was living and yet I wanted a little bit more.
Speaker 1 00:02:20 At this time, a friend had mentioned to me this metaphysical ministry and she said, crystal, you should really just take the courses. Take the courses. It was a self-guided course through the University of me metaphysics and the University of Sedona in Sedona, Arizona. And she said, it's self-guided. You will have insights, you will have intuition and moments of wow you will be able to grow and have your soul be fed. And so I thought, alright, fine, <laugh>, it took several months for me to get to the all right fine points. I think she suggested this back in August. And then in November of 22, October of 22, I finally decided that that's what I was going to do.
Speaker 1 00:03:16 I went ahead and signed up for the metaphysical ministry for their courses, and I wanted to just go for the bachelor course. I wasn't doing anything huge. I didn't want to go and above and beyond, I didn't wanna get my doctorate <laugh>. I really just wanted the opportunity to be spiritually fed and expand a little bit. And what I hope you hear when I say that is even those people who are leading and teaching us need to be fed, they are seeking additional knowledge. They are seeking support. They are seeking connection with that higher power so that they can continue serving and being a guide, so to speak here on this earth. What started as classes that I hoped would feed me completely changed my perspective. You see, I, for years, my journey started with hearing my spirit guides for the first time that happened in the year 2000.
Speaker 1 00:04:30 And I didn't know who they were. And I was totally freaked out by the fact that they were talking to me and saying, we are here, not I am here. Because I had been taught that there was one, one Holy Spirit that could minister to us and support us. So the idea of having multiple was a little freaky. And I thought that I was going nuts. And over the years, I came across several different teachers. I came across a teacher that taught me more about my spirit guides and helped me meet them. I learned about our energy centers in our bodies, about our different chakras and how they work together. I learned about crystals and how they can work with our chakras and with our energy centers. I learned about past life and shamonic lessons and tools. And I just, life at perfect moments continued to bring me new teachers so that I could learn something new and shift my perspective a little bit more, open up my mind a little bit more, be a little less sheltered in my thinking, in my beliefs, in my actions. And instead being more embracing of the opportunities that life presents us and the connection that we are constantly offered. If we butt shoes in, it was several years of being a sponge, accepting and saying, yes, please teach me more. Teach me more. I want to learn more. So I was constantly learning. I was constantly shifting. I was constantly shedding past beliefs. I was breaking old habits.
Speaker 1 00:06:30 I was oblating chains that held me back. And I was doing that through this beautiful gift of a connection to something bigger than me. And when people started coming to me and saying, I don't know Crystal, I just, something says I should, I should learn from you. And I was like, I'm not a teacher. I am so not a teacher. And they'd say, but you've transformed your life. You are a completely different person than I first met you and it's amazing and I want to know, so will you teach me? It started small and I didn't feel like I was a teacher. I just felt like I was a person that was imparting knowledge that others had given to me, lessons that I had learned, that I had applied to my life, that had completely transformed the way that I walked through every day. So I taught and then it was, Hey, you know, crystal, you should really start a business and you should start charging for this and you should be more out there because more people need this.
Speaker 1 00:07:47 And I was like, okay, <laugh>, that's kind of crazy and I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but okay, fine, I'll do it. And I continued helping people, transforming people's lives, and it was amazing. And then I put together a course that just seemed to be, mm, it's hard to describe because every course that I've written has come to me in a moment of meditation and it has been in its fullness saying, I'm right here and I need to come out. So I listen and I put it out because that's what I feel is the need.
Speaker 1 00:08:40 Now along the way, there have been several times that I have slipped into that imposter syndrome. I'm not good enough for this <laugh>, I didn't get a degree for this. I just have life experience. I just know this because I've done it and I've lived it and I feel it and I know it in my heart. Is life experience enough to give me credibility? And that little niggling voice comes in and makes you think, no, I'm not as good as someone who's done eight, 10 years of schooling or has other formal education or is a licensed clergyman or whatnot. I just, there was this, there are so many people that are better than me because they have so much more knowledge than me, and imposter syndrome is real. It's so real.
Speaker 1 00:09:41 So I would pull back and feel small and and minimize myself. And then another course would come up and I'd be like, yeah, you're right. I've got this and I'm good at this. And I have a connection with people because I've lived it and it is actually my life experience, the real world experience that is so valuable because I can connect on a human level instead of a book level. So damn straight, I should be out there, I'm good at this. And then later the imposter syndrome would come in and I would just be so upset and frustrated. So I sign up for additional spiritual fuel, connection knowledge just a little bit more. I need that gift.
Speaker 1 00:10:35 I need that moment. You know, that moment that you get where your heart is so full and everything seems so right and you are in that peace, the knowledge that there is something more and you don't have to have all the answers and that you can allow someone else to bear the burden for you, that you're not alone in this experience. And I started that ministry, I started the studies, I started going through all of the different modules. And the crazy thing was <laugh> that with each module I would go, wait, but I teach this <laugh>, wait, but I, I teach that. I absolutely teach that. I use it in different words. And yet this is very much along the lines of what I teach and how I help people shift their mindsets and find more love and joy and positivity. And I went through every one of those modules piece by piece by piece.
Speaker 1 00:12:00 And the beautiful thing was that I'm now finished <laugh>, I have now completed the entire course. And along with this course, because it is a metaphysical university, they also give a an ordained minister license with the studies. So now I've actually gone to school. Not only do I have the world knowledge with all of the experiences that I had to go through, but I also now have the book knowledge that I thought that I needed. And then I sit back and I wonder why did I doubt myself? Have you ever had that experience where you're down in the trenches and you are working on something and you are really focused on it and you're continually like you're focused and you're doing great. And then every now and then you have those doubts creeping in telling you, no, you shouldn't do this, you can't do this. You're not good enough to succeed. And you push that aside or you dwell in it for a little while before you come back out and you re-attack this goal, this project that you're working towards. And then when you finally achieve the project and you look back and you're like, of course I did that.
Speaker 1 00:13:32 Why did I ever doubt myself? Why did I ever question my ability, my worth, my knowledge to pull that off? Why didn't I just embrace it in the first place? And it comes back to the connection with the divine energy. That divine power. Because in our purest form, when you go into commune with your higher self, with that higher power, they are your biggest cheerleaders. They are rooting you on saying, hell yeah, go for it. You've got this. There's no way that you can fail because you're infinite, you're powerful and you are part of the divine. You are connected with them. And the divine is powerful and infinite, which is why the phrase with God, all things are possible. <laugh>, when you put your trust there and say, I've got this. I can do this. It may be scary and I'm gonna do it anyway, but you pull it off and it's amazing that you can do that somewhere inside you. You already knew that you could. You already knew that you had the power and the ability and all you had to do is tap in and listen to that voice instead of the other voice that we hear all the time, which is the voice of society, which is the voice of the community that raised us.
Speaker 1 00:15:33 It is the voice that wants to keep you in a box and organized so that they know what to expect from you. And there are no surprises because nobody likes surprises, right? So that other voice that you hear is one, not of the divine or yourself, it is of others trying to keep you contained. And even in all of the things that I teach that I do, that I know, I know this, I <laugh>, I lived this, I learned this, and yet even I forget this, sometimes even I need to be reminded, even I need that kick in the pants to say, Hey girl, you are not listening to your highest truest self. You are not listening to the possibility you have disconnected from the amazing gift that is the pure, unconditional love and trust and knowledge in the amazing being that you are in your patience, in your kindness. If even I can forget to listen to that voice, then it's okay that you forget to.
Speaker 1 00:17:07 We're not perfect. We are human beings having a very human and spiritual experience. It's all about learning. It's all about growth. It's all about self-awareness and acceptance. It's all about love for ourselves and for the people around us. I am an ordained minister. I have a bachelor's in metaphysical studies. And you know what? I was reminded of my divinity. By doing so, does, does that mean that I will never again question my strength or value or worth? No <laugh>, it doesn't. There will be ups and downs. There always are because that's the emotional human side of us. And yet, if I can step back and remind myself by tuning in to that beautiful gift, things seem a little easier. I allow the emotion, I allow the frustration, I allow everything that comes up because they are real. And then I sit back and I ask myself, okay, hire yourself. What should I do? Where should I be? And most often it's going to tell me, relax, <laugh>, take a moment to breathe. Take a moment to be instead of do, do a little self-care to bring you back to center and recognize that everything's okay,
Speaker 1 00:19:03 Whatever it is that you're tackling, whether that's your relationship, your career, parenthood, oh my God, anytime that voice says, I just can't, I'm not good enough. I sincerely pray
Speaker 1 00:19:24 That you take a moment and as soon as that word comes out of your mouth, I can't, or out of your mind, I can't. You pause and say, but what can I do? Write a nice list of all the things that you do and all the things that you are. Celebrate your abilities. Celebrate your knowledge and your life experiences. The paper on the wall doesn't matter if you don't live what you learned, if you don't digest it and apply it to where you're at. I have digested and applied. I thought that I still needed the paper. Turns out. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for going through it and I really wanna pat myself on the back. And on the other hand, I just shake my head and say, oh honey, oh honey, where was your faith in yourself? So I ask you, where is your faith in yourself?
Speaker 1 00:20:43 When I was a kid, my mom had this picture on the fridge and <laugh>, it was this little kid and he had his hands kind of like on a countertop and his head was off to the side and he was just kind of frowning. And above it, it said, I know I'm somebody. And underneath it, it said, cuz God don't make no junk. Every one of us is somebody. Every one of us has our own path to learning, to growth. Every one of us is going to touch other people's lives in ways that we are not even fully aware of. Some of them we will know and some of them we will not know. And the beautiful thing about that is it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1 00:21:32 Give your gift out there. Learn from the people that come to you that you can learn from. Take everything with a grain of salt. <laugh>, apply what you can to yourself and then learn and grow and give that gift of you to other people. You're amazing. Remember that you're a gift and if you ever doubt that, just hit, rewind and play it again. You are a gift. You are amazing. I give you love, I give you support and en encouragement. I pray that you find your foundation and your strength and when you are feeling a little less in that realm, I pray that you find somebody else, whether it's your higher power, your spirit guides, or a dear friend, a loved one who can additionally put in more strength so that they can say, oh, you've got this. You are amazing. Take care of yourself. I love you <laugh>, and I'll see you next week here on Breathe In. Breathe Out. I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Kakowski on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathing. Breathe out. Until next time, take care.
