Episode Transcript
Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Hi, I’m Krystal Jakosky, and this is Breathe In, Breathe Out: a Weekly Mindfulness and Meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it.
Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I'm Krystal Jakosky and oh my gosh, have you ever played Chicken? The other day I was driving down the road and enjoying my music, waiting for the light to turn green and all of a sudden I had this unbelievable, crazy thought, this inspiration. And of course, when I have those, I have to muse about them on some level, in some way, shape, or form. I have to get it out and share it with the world because I'm quirky that way. So on the one hand, it's a normal day. It's absolutely beautiful. Sun is out. There's nothing extraordinary, there's nothing out of the ordinary. I was running errands and it was time to head home so that I could attack the next batch of accomplishments. As I sat in the left turn lane, I looked across at the car directly across from me and I realized we were literally playing chicken with the vehicle across from us.
Think about it. I mean, seriously, in the game of chicken, people embark on a head-on collision course. Both participants hope that the other one is going to turn to avoid a crash, and yet neither one knows what's going on in the other person's mind. Are you focused on the here and now? Are you paying attention to what's going on? Do you know that you need to turn? Are they distracted with kids screaming in the backseat or a phone call or whatnot? As I'm sitting in this space waiting to turn left, I have to believe and trust that the car directly across from me is going to turn because I intend to do the same thing. Like we're both trusting complete strangers to be present and follow their intention with the rule of the road. And we've all seen it where people start to say they want to turn left, but then all of a sudden they shift and they turn straight, they go straight or whatnot like we've all seen people change direction a little bit, and yet here we are sitting in a left turn lane.
It's a little crazy when you think about it that way, right? I mean, I'm sitting there and I just had to laugh at my thoughts. Reality says there are rules for the road and people are supposed to follow these rules. These rules are written. We're all taught what the lines mean and what the signs mean and the rules. If you break them, what's going to happen then? As we know we are tested before we can even get our driver's license. We have to take a written test. We have to take a driver's test where somebody's sitting there judging every move that we make. We have to be on the road a bunch so that we can get used to what's going on. Like we have to practice due to the common education. We know that we're on the same page and that things should be all well and good in the vehicular aspect because they're going to turn, we're going to turn, we are in that lane.
Hopefully, our turn signals are on. This is the way it is. And the rules are largely the same in most places. You go with slight differences like whether or not you're driving on the left side of the road or the right side of the road. In some areas you cannot turn right at a red light and in other places it's perfectly fine as long as you come to a stop. The rules of the road are there. We know them. And while I was sitting there thinking about playing chicken with this other car, I thought about how this actually applies to us in our lives. We are communicated with, we are taught, and we are told what the rules of the road are. But when it comes to our relationships in life, there isn't a set, there's not a book that tells you exactly the communication that everybody is supposed to use or the vocabulary that everybody is going to use.
We all have different belief systems and different experiences in our childhood that feed into the way that we communicate and react to each other. And just like driving and practicing on the road before you get your license, you have somebody else in the car with you. We are practicing communication with each other and we learn the vocabulary and the ways of communicating with the people that we are practicing with. A job description is going to have written expectations, and that written expectation is going to help you with the vocabulary that you need to have in that job. You already speak that language because you've had training in it because it's been a type of job, whether it's desk work or tech work or whatever type of job that is. You already know some of the lingoes. You have a similar vocabulary to work with. Navigating friendships illuminates a bunch of differences because one person learned how to communicate this way and verbalize that way, and you learned a completely different way.
You have different vocabularies, but you also have different communication styles. Are you able to sit down and have tough conversations? Are you yellers? Are you passive-aggressive? Are you like, what did you learn is the right way to drive through life with your communication? A new romantic relationship may highlight vastly different beliefs surrounding finance and intimacy and a myriad of other topics that we don't necessarily dive into before we really fall hard for that life partner. So sometimes the things that we get most annoyed and upset about are little lights into our own upbringing and our own code of ethics. And sometimes we're caught totally unaware or blindsided by what we're seeing, hearing, and learning from the other person, vocabulary, the rules of the road, communication, and the way that we all come together, it's an avenue that we aren't always introduced to, right? We don't think about the fact that this person grew up in a yelling household.
This person grew up in a passive-aggressive household and now they're together and trying to raise kids. And what kind of household are the kids going to learn from? If we take a moment and we understand ourselves a little bit better if we understand our own, what is intimacy? What is sex? What are my beliefs on finances? What are some of the core values that I learned growing up? If we stop and understand ourselves a little bit better, it means that when we get into a relationship, we have the ability to write new rules of the road. We get to work on our vocabulary together and say, Yeah, so I don't like what's going on there. I feel this way about it instead. And you can work together to build commonality, to build a new understanding, to build that manual, if you will, for the relationship that you're having, whether that's a romantic relationship or a familial relationship, or a new friendship or a boss that comes in.
In the vein of helping people understand themselves a little bit better, I put together the permission to be your journaling cards. They are a fantastic way to discover your own rules of your road, and these are the rules that you ascribe to, that you live by. They're the rules that you've learned, and maybe some of them are rules that you've learned and you want to change, and maybe some of them are rules that you've already changed and you're really thrilled that you've embraced. But in this journaling deck, there are 100 cards, and 100 questions that will help you answer and dig a little bit deeper into your core, getting a clearer picture of you. And once you have that picture, it's a lot easier to set your own boundaries while you mesh with someone else's understanding and communicating and coming together. So instead of playing chicken with your relationships, hoping that they're subscribing to the same set of rules, now you can have that conversation and you can be super confident that while you're driving down a road, it's the same road and not one of you isn't on a country road while the other one's on a super highway.
Seeking to understand yourself, seeking to really embody your own beliefs and your values and your core systems means that you know what you want, you know where you're going, and you are clear on your own life. It means that you know what to expect from yourself and you know what you hope to expect from other people. Being clear on yourself means that it's a heck of a lot easier to have that conversation with someone else and be clear on what you need and what you expect, and also lets you draw out from other people what they need and what they expect in the same process. I really hope that you dive into yourselves. I hope that you understand your own rules of the road and figure out how to communicate with each other so that you can improve your connections in life. If you're interested, we're giving 10% off with the code, B I B O for Breathe In, Breathe Out. So 10% off. B I B O. I hope you have a fantastic day, and I look forward to having you back here again next week on Breathe In, Breathe Out.
I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I’m @krystaljakosky on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time, take care.
