Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:03 Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor, take a slow deep breath in, and now breathe out. Congratulations, you just meditated. Welcome back to Breathe In, breathe Out. I'm Crystal Kowski and I'm, I'm thrilled that you're here. I wanna dive a little bit more into, uh, the topic that I had a couple weeks ago about imposter syndrome and spiritual growth. I'm just gonna dive in. I love that I went through the course with the University of Medi metaphysics. I loved the thoughtfulness, the knowledge, and the just challenges that it presented. And there were, there were moments throughout the course, I'm not gonna lie, that I was really frustrated with some of the statements and the beliefs that they were trying to, um, bring across. And I think I was frustrated because I saw it in my own point of view, my own, through my own lens, the lens of life that I have lived.
Speaker 1 00:01:18 And on the one hand, they were beautiful and they were fantastic, and on the other hand, they were infuriating. And I just wanted to pound my little fists and stomp my little feet. And so there were a few times that I ended up touching base with a friend of mine who's also gone through that. And we would talk about my perspective and how what I was going through in life at that time fed into how I was feeling regarding the lessons that I was learning, that I was refreshing in my mind and my heart. And it was very, I was very grateful for this. I was very grateful to have that other person to bounce thoughts and ideas off of and work through. You know, I've, I've always believed that we are connected to a higher power. And whether you call that God or Mother Earth or Heavenly Father or whatever title you give that higher power, we are connected to them and we are worthy of having their influence in our lives. Think of the most kind and loving parent that you can think of.
Speaker 1 00:02:40 How they are there for their children, how they have conversations with them. And it's a two way conversation. And they encourage the child to grow without doing everything for them. They allow the child to make their own mistakes and they move forward through life, encouraging and supporting without denying and stifling. Think of the unconditional love. The, oh, that had to really suck. So how are you doing and how are you moving forward? I just, that is the kind of relationship that we can have with our higher power. I do not believe in a judgmental, vengeful, angry being. I believe in a loving, accepting, encouraging being.
Speaker 1 00:03:53 That's, that's the being that I know. That is the being. I've come to know from being raised in a very religious capital r family to all of my challenges. As I walked away from that religion and then finding my own spiritual path, I used to think that I was like, I was ashamed of myself. I was insecure. I felt like I was just a sinner, and there was no way that I was going to be able to really, truly connect with this heavenly being because I sucked so bad and they were just gonna judge me in everything I did wrong, because there was no way I was gonna be good enough all the time. And because I couldn't be perfect all the time, then I just, I'm gonna give up <laugh>. I'm gonna give up on trying, trying to be that perfect child that this perfect being wants.
Speaker 1 00:04:59 And then I found this new relationship, this new gift of connection, of support, of unconditional love that I can tap into and ask for guidance at any time. And you can too. So in this metaphysical ministry, in all of these studies, they're constantly reminding the you that you are connected to this being. And, and that's beautiful because when I am down and when I am struggling with caring with my mom or familial other familial challenges or friendship challenges or business or emotional, whatever is going on, if I'm not sleeping and I'm tired and everything just seems so much bigger, if I stop and I check in, then I'm reminded that I'm not alone. <laugh>, no matter what, I am not alone. Neither are you.
Speaker 1 00:06:01 Even when there is nobody else in that home or your car or wherever it is to comfort you and reassure you, you still have guides. You still have these energetic beings and this connection to the divine energy that is, that you can tap into and be okay. Now, there were moments that I was really frustrated because I felt that, that it, that the course was saying that you need to be connected all the time, and that as soon as you introduce doubt or whatever it was that you would, um, sever that connection. And personally, I, I just, I am still a human being and I am still having a very human experience on earth, which means I need to have the emotions. I need to be upset and frustrated because, and, and uncomfortable because that's how we grow. That's how we learn, that's how we expand and do something more. And there's no way that if you are constantly, I mean, I'm never gonna be a yogi. I'm never gonna be sitting on a mountaintop and somebody's gonna come hiking up to me to say, what's the meaning of life? That's not it. It's never going to be me because I will not ever be able to simply sit in lotus pose in meditation connected to the vine all the time.
Speaker 1 00:07:51 I need to be an actor and a doer. I need to be functioning. I need to be progressing in life. And yes, I can do that. I can progress in life while still being connected to my higher power. I can get up in the morning and I can say who I connect with that light that's within me. I ask you to guide my day, guide me to those that I can help and support, guide my actions and my responses so that I can be the most loving, supportive human being on this planet that I can be because I know that there are gonna be challenges. And yet I trust that divine energy to work through me and help guide those reactions so they're not as intense or help remind me when to take a breather or a break so that I don't knee-jerk reaction and offend somebody because I'm so upset.
Speaker 1 00:09:00 There's a balance between living connected all the time and living your life, choosing your actions. There's a responsibility and an ownership that comes with that. And I was struggling the other day with this gon and so I decided to do a tarot reading. Now if you recall, or if you'd like to go back and listen, we uh, did a tarot reading with Emily McGill. It was episode I believe 58. And she did a wonderful tarot. She helped uncover the mysteries and just tell us a little bit more. And she did a reading for us there on the air and it was absolutely fantastic. And these are Oracle cards that are a little bit different than tarot, but similar. And I decided that I was just gonna go ahead and do a reading for myself and see where things went because I was really struggling and I pulled out the shaman's dream Oracle.
Speaker 1 00:10:02 It's a new one that I just got. And I wanted to feel the cards and see what the cards had to tell me. And my card, I wanna share with you the right here, right now card that I got. It was the horned cactus <laugh>. On the front of it, it is a picture of a cactus, just the top of it, the dome. And it has all of the spiciness that you would expect a cactus to have all of those little cactus flowers. And then it has horns and it has a face, but it's not like a picture face. It's kind of hidden within the cactus. And there's this beautiful light off to the right side of the cactus, kind of coming around as though it was the sun setting.
Speaker 1 00:10:52 And I looked at that and I thought, what the heck? Am I just spiky right now? <laugh>? Am I pokey and irritable and people need to leave me alone? Do I need to push people away so that I can recenter and reground? Like what? Why would I get the horned cactus? This makes no sense. And then this is the answer. It is blooming through resilience, resourcefulness, and discovery. When nothing seems to be happening fast enough or your ideas have dried up, you begin to question your relevance. During these periods in life, you might feel like giving up, frustrated and resentful that success will never happen to you. The issue here however, is a matter of perception. The horned cactus thrives in the barren desert scape, offering you the gift of water when all appears to be dry. If you look at its body, you see the natural thorns that protect it from predators.
Speaker 1 00:11:56 And the elements, what you don't see are the deep roots that extend far into the earth, filling it with a continuous flow of water. This succulent is a symbol of resilience, of resourcefulness, of your needs being met in spite of appearances. To the contrary, it's a reminder of the courage and inherent wisdom needed to dig deep below the less than friendly surface that hides a rich underground world. Can you connect to this magical truth and trust it? The desert is a mystical place filled with mysterious creatures, beautifully adapted to their environments. The horned cactus tells you to take heart. This journey is only temporary and you'll soon be met with greener pastures. But first, you must acknowledge your inner strength and fortitude as you're tested here, be as the cactus resilient and resourceful <laugh>. Now let me explain to you why this was such a big deal to me. The horned cactus thrives in the barren desert scape, offering you the gift of water when everything appears to be dry. I've been in this space where I've felt a little alone and isolated personally. I've wanted more, I've wanted connection, and yet there's been this feeling inside that I'm supposed to wait, that I'm supposed to hold back, pause.
Speaker 1 00:13:32 And so I have, and I've been frustrated with that <laugh>. And here I'm being told that I'm thriving in this moment, even though I don't feel like it is. It also talks about the body and how you see the body and how prickly it is. And yet what you don't see are those roots. And I have always felt like my roots go so much deeper. There is so much more to me than other people might see. There's so much more that there's no way that I can put it all out there for people to find because I am so just deep complex. I'm a Jane of all trades. I am all over the place, but that's because I love to learn and my roots are constantly taking up nourishment and bringing that water into me so that I can then survive whether I'm surrounded by people or I'm taking that moment of peace, resilience, resourcefulness, your needs being met in spite of appearances.
Speaker 1 00:14:56 Oftentimes, I don't know if this is true for you, but it's true for me where oftentimes I feel like I'm giving and I'm meeting others' needs, and I think that I'm meeting my own needs, but I'm not entirely positive as to whether or not I'm meeting my own needs. So I'm just gonna guess and hope that that's what's happening and move forward. I'm just gonna keep moving forward and I don't know if I am <laugh> I'll tune in. And there's not, not a huge resounding yes or no. It's just, you know, you're focusing, you're, you're just moving forward in life. And this is a reminder that yes, I am resourceful, my needs are being met, and that being in this moment, I can thrive in the landscape that I find myself in. The life that I find that I am living and experiencing. Take heart. My journey is temporary, and I will see brighter days and greener pastures if I just trust in that. So in sharing my experience with the Oracle, I don't know, I just had this <laugh>, I just had this need to share with you this card and the meaning, and I'm sure that there is somebody else out there that needs to hear that moment, that message, that gift. I think next week I would love to do a reading in general for all of you out there.
Speaker 1 00:16:44 All of you are there listening. We'll see what happens, what comes up, and what we learned from that. In the meantime, if the horned cactus meant as much to you as it did to me, I pray that you dive into your roots. I pray that you give yourself that moment of respite. I pray that you remind yourself of the knowledge and the depth of your roots, which means that you are strong and you are able to pull up the self-care and the nourishment that you need so that you can work through this barren moment. You're okay, <laugh>. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for listening, and until next week, I'll see you again here on Breathe In. Breathe Out. I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Kowski on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathing. Breathe out. Until next time, take care.
